FFVII - Sleeping Arrangements: At Gongaga (Cloud-half)

[raaj]

There's planned to be a part more for Tifa and Aerith, but I really wanted to write something just for Cloud too....though I got a bit sidetracked in this.

☄

Cloud rolled over in his sleep, and called out for Aerith.

They'd had to return to Gongaga--they'd found out something about Zack, and Aerith was desperate to tell his parents. He couldn't fault her eagerness. She cared about Zack...

Cloud wanted to tell Zack's parents, too. It wasn't that they had happy news to give. But it was still important news. At-peace news.

Rude and Reno were blocking the way again. Still shadowing them, and filling out their time with wasteful talk too. Cloud gestured for Aerith to get back and ready her materia, Barret and Tifa to come forward, Yuffie-- hang on. What were they all traveling together for? They should have split up.

"Not your best move," said a high, clear voice. Elena must have gotten herself sacked already, because the dark-suited female approaching them had wavy red hair instead of straight blonde, though Cloud couldn't quite make out anything else about her features. He reached for the Buster sword...

...It wasn't there on his back. Not his best move at all, and suddenly it was like he was helpless. "Cloud, get back!" Tifa hooked arms under his shoulders, moved him bodily behind a tree for cover, and he wanted to jerk out of the hold, tell her she was being stupid--even if he didn't have her finesse at hand-to-hand he could still crack a Turk's skull with sheer force, he wasn't useless--except he was. His legs refused to move for him, and the only sound coming out of his mouth was a stuttered pant, and his mind kept whirling back to the futile question of where his sword was.

Tifa smiled reassuringly for him, patting his head before running off to rejoin the others.

He wanted to scream at her. At all of them. At himself, because all too soon he could see Reno pulling back from the farce of a Turk-AVALANCHE skirmish to make a hand signal, and then there were Shinra "peacekeeping" troops flooding out of the woodwork of the Gongaga jungle to surround the fight.

His voice was gone.

Rude and the female Turk pulled safely back, melted into the ring of Shinra uniforms. Every gun was pointed at Aerith and Tifa and Yuffie and Barret and Red and Cait Sith who had made a loose circle themselves, covering each other's backs as if it would do them any good. Even now they were trying to protect each other; none of them could be the spy. Who had led them into the ambush?

"You ignorant traitor," came the breath of a chilling voice, and Cloud's heart froze as he realized, he was the one who'd led them... he was the only one who was safe right now...

The rifles readied in a chorus, despite Cait Sith trying to cajole everyone to take it easy.

Tifa and Aerith clasped hands and looked back at him. Pleading for the protection he'd promised.

Barret was too proud to ask anything and stayed turned away, shoulders ramrod straight.

Yuffie was screeching threats slurred together by unshed tears.

And Red at last broke the circle, leaping for one final attack, that split second before the beast and the rest of the world exploded into a much more vivid red with the report of gunfire. It seemed like some time before the stunned blond's vision returned to coherence again--a desolate, aching clarity of a blood-splattered world.

"...Tifa."

Ah. There was his voice. But it still was disconnected from him. Comrades' names simply tumbled out into the air in a manner turning keen with grief as Cloud marshaled arms and legs to finally move so he could reach them.

Not that there was anything he could do for them now.

His voice didn't seem to understand that. "Barret? Yuffie? Wake up. Aerith...Aerith." Glassy green eyes, the breast of her bolero stained a darker red--why hadn't the Turks kept her alive? Wasn't she supposed to be precious to Shinra? But they'd killed even her...everyone...

...He was going to kill every last one of them. He'd hunt them down--tear them limb from limb, it was the only thing he could think as his insides curled and warped with chilled-black sadness and white-hot anger.

Because if the power of SOLDIER wasn't to protect, it must surely be to destroy. Sephiroth had shown him that well enough.

"Cloud? Cloud." A woman's voice again, lower this time but it had to be the female Turk. She shook his shoulder roughly, callous to the fallen bodies around them. He snarled--did she really think she could kill him, when he was this angry?--and lunged upward into the darkness of the tent with a punch the woman barely dodged. "Cloud, wake up!"

"Stop, it's all right!" and the third voice came as another woman (was that Elena? She seemed too small, it didn't matter, she was Shinra as well) wrapped her arms around him, bodily stopping him from once more moving to attack Tifa.

...It was Tifa. The grip of nightmares and sleep was loosening, and Cloud could just see, thanks to his enhanced eyes, her long hair and the frame it fell around. Tifa was alive, okay, and to her credit, she let out an only slightly shaky sigh. "Back with us?"

'Us' was just Tifa and Aerith; Barret had the others. They were split up for the night so that even if Shinra did tail one of the parties somehow, they wouldn't end up with everyone surrounded. Cloud could remember that now. He'd decided it himself.

"Y, yeah. Sorry. ...Aerith--" The slight woman had practically bear-hugged him to slow him from going after Tifa in a disoriented rage, and at her friend's relieved sigh she'd relaxed and shifted to rub his back soothingly. But Cloud was already frowning and moving to disentangle their limbs, uneasy at the contact and the realization of just what she'd done. "You shouldn't do that."

"It looked like you could use it."

The hug? Cloud shook his head; he might not be comfortable with it, but neither was it the problem. "Don't--get close to me. When I'm like that... I could have hurt you." Even if it was faintly impressive that she'd done it, it hadn't been smart. He looked toward Tifa now, hoping they would both take the warning seriously. With her martial arts training, his childhood friend was nimbler than him, but if he had caught her with the punch, it could have done serious damage. "It's too easy with a SOLDIER's strength."

Aerith pulled back, but only a bit, still kneeling by his side. This close in the darkness, her green eyes almost seemed to reflect the mako glow of his own when they met. "You were crying out for us. Bad dream?"

Shame burned his cheeks, and he broke eye contact even though she could barely see him as it was. A nightmare, only because he'd done exactly nothing. Only because his head liked to play tricks. "It's over now." Sweat was still clinging to him, but he'd blame that on the humid heat of the Gongaga region. They couldn't be gone soon enough.

"...You know..." Funny. He'd seen Tifa bite her lip enough to tell when she was doing it by ear, registering the slight scrape of teeth against a chapped bottom lip. "You can talk to us if something's bothering you."

He hated the way he could imagine them looking at him. Kindly, but with pity for this moment of weakness. He wasn't-- "It was just a dream," he insisted. "Everything's fine." He'd never be caught without his sword in reality. His limbs wouldn't simply fail him. He was a SOLDIER, and...they deserved better than that.

Comments

[sanctum_c]

Very interesting; I like the confusing AU view at first (and Cissnei! Unless I really am confused), and the foreshadowing of what will happen to Cloud if canon's maintained; painful nightmare to have as well (I like his estimation that no one inside the ring can be the traitor because otherwise they wouldn't be held at gun-point... and then realises it has to be him. I see this as it feeding back into that worrying sense he has that he's not himself... Its not something he talks about often (as he couldn't be certain how anyone would react, but I think it was gnawing at him more and more as time went on - until the North Crater). Actually now I'm wondering if Shinra would actually take an additonal step and obfuscate their spy - they can safely riddle Cait Sith full of bullet holes to little/no ill effect; even if they don't know there's a spare, they don't ever have to tip their hand like that - its not as if they would really be killing one of their own...).

Everyone's reactions to being trapped felt right as well; I like the slight Aerti/Clerifa feel to Tifa and Aeris clasping hands and looking to Cloud - and especially that Yuffie would be petrified and crying in that situation, but she'll be screaming insults to the end. And it feels kind of right that Nanaki would be the one to make that last ditch attack when all is lost...

I also liked Aeris quick-thinking/Tifa's quick reflexes; with his enhanced strength and mental strife, I can see Cloud having some pretty violent nightmares, and it is pretty risky to be in close proximity to him if they occur - at least Aeris and Tifa reacted well/aren't judging him for being confused by the nightmare.

(I also really like that Aeris' subduing of Cloud is so physical like that; that she would outright hug him/be fine with getting that close that suddenly - whereas Cloud is still wary of that kind of intimacy...)

In short! Very good; looking forward to the other installments...

[raaj]

It is indeed Cissnei! The confusing nature is because I always like the idea that Cloud really does always remember in some part of him what happened (after all--the voice that talks to him on various occasions is him), so Cissnei slipped in because she'd approached both Zack and him when they were on the run (though he doesn't really remember much besides a very general outline and an idea of her voice). Likewise the entire idea of the dream was taken from the fact that if Cloud is in a girl-less party (...well, Yuffie doesn't count XD), he will actually recognize Zack's name. Since Tifa and Aerith were with him for this, he doesn't actually think to recognize it--not consciously. But it bubbles up later, helped along by worry over the Turk ambush, into a bad nightmare where Zack's death is repeated in a loose manner with the entire group (actually when I was originally thinking to write this, I was planning to have Cloud confused at the end--wondering what he and Aerith had wanted to tell Zack's parents in the dream, and thinking there really had been something specifically in mind. But now he can't remember, and it was just a dream and a stupid one anyway, so he lets it go... after all, he didn't actually know the guy). And yeah, Cloud manages to make the absurd, subconscious and all-too-painfully-right-later-on leap that he's the traitor...because he doesn't want to believe anyone else is. So by process of elimination it has to be him. There really was all along a growing sense that something isn't quite right--even in Junon he's talking about others saying he has a "divided" personality (though he does chime in that he doesn't think so, but..."maybe...") and his subconscious is all too ready to accuse him anyway if you take a certain route at the Honey Bee Inn. So yeah, his dream is very much past trauma, present worries, and subconscious division that's going to lead into future problems slamming together to create a stew of a nightmare. (I think I hammed on the Zack allusion a bit hard in one place--I'll probably take it out later.)

That's an interesting point with Cait Sith--in a confrontation Shinra could easily take him out to hide the mole without fuss (or depending on department politics and who's confronting AVALANCHE, take him out without even realizing, Reeve knowing it's better to not have Cait Sith tip the hand right then since there's the spare and then the other executives would have questions...). I imagine back in Midgar Reeve might throw a respectable snitfit at Tseng, but they all know it's a lot less troublesome than killing a human spy.

I knew from the start I wanted Aerith and Tifa to clasp hands--though after that I kept trying to second guess myself, hahaha. Like, should Tifa be trying to get Aerith behind her to protect her? Or even the opposite, Aerith standing in front of her friend wrongly believing Shinra wouldn't want to shoot her specifically, so at least she can protect one person? But since it's Cloud's view I wanted to focus on him both seeing their friendship and his feeling that he's supposed to be their protector, so I stuck with that as his perception of what they might do. And then Barret's was easy to juxtapose as opposite...and I had to think a bit harder on everyone else's, so I'm glad they seem right to you!

"mental strife" keeps making me laugh; Cloud why do you have such a weird name. More seriously! I was initially thinking of having Tifa be more uneasy due to this being a bit more strangeness with Cloud, but I didn't want to do that (in part because it started to seem unfairly negative toward Tifa when I couldn't see Aerith reacting without her own understanding) and it's actually just now that I've realized why Tifa's quick thinking and acceptance works for me--it's not hard to think with her own trauma from Nibelheim that she's occasionally startled out of nightmares like this herself, or heard about/experienced others (Barret) having similar problems. A little scarier with Cloud's strength, but not something to judge him for. And then Aerith is comfortable with physical touch, even with SOLDIERs (thanks to Zack), and trusts Cloud that he would catch himself soon enough, she just needed to slow him down a bit so Tifa wouldn't get hurt. (...The trust thing is going to turn a bit sad in the Temple. Also I imagine that for the rest of the night Cloud is trying to give them an even wider berth in the tent, if he doesn't outright leave on the excuse of keeping a lookout. Because it is rather scary to realize you could have hurt someone on accident.)

Thanks!

[sanctum_c]

Interestingly one of the Scribbler fics I was reading today had Zack's reasoning for always talking to Cloud - that he'd read or heard about people in comas who when they came to turned out to have heard everything that had been said to them - and so this feels very right that Cloud does remember something of Cissnei, but the precise details of who she was and how she relates to him at all are lost...

(this might have been the intriguing AU setup where Cloud hauls Zack's injured body into Midgar and to the church and Aeris; he can't remember his name, Zack's name or indeed Midgar's name. Not sure how that storyline would develop, but an interesting AU concept)

Ah! Clearly its been too long on VII again, as I forgot he did that without either of the plot significant girls - now I'm wondering if the game can handle you switching party members outside the village and re-entering... and if Zack's parent's dialogue is a one time trigger or the differences could be easily viewed like that (without multiple saves on hand).

Ah - I was (when first reading it) wondering what Cloud thought he had wanted to tell Zack's parents - and then let that go as part of the dream. I like that cunning note that he has made the connection between Zack and Aeris deep in his subconcious, and knows that she knows who he was - but Cloud dismisses it all on waking...

And oh, I can never forget Cloud's subconscious judging him - that really weirded me out the first time I played the game. Seedy brothel? I think I can see where this is going... Holy hells! What is the ghostly talking about?! In the fic above I do like that his dreams are a interesting mismash of the situations like that.

Good point that Shinra could easily "kill" Cait Sith without ever realising what he was/how useful he is to the pursuit of Sephiroth/what Avalanche are up to at present. I do like the idea of Reeve being snippy at Tseng afterwards...

Ah, good point that this is Cloud's dream so his mindset is going to skew things... In reality I can see Aeris and Tifa both trying vainly to protect the other - with Aeris eventually just catching Tifa's arm and telling her quietly and clearly that she is the one they absolutely would not injure and to stay behind her - she's confident she can save one of her friends... But yeah, the others all felt right to me (and its probably for the best its missing Cid and Vincent... I was going to say that Vincent wouldn't be taken out that easily/could possibly take down a number of the guards before he got too riddled with bullets - but then Cloud might not really reconcile that, and dreams have a habit of not sticking entirely to the truth...)

...I did wonder if "strife" was the best word there for that very reason (its like using "Hope" at the start of a sentence and waiting for a moment to check if this is an unexpected XIII crossover in progress). I do like the idea that Tifa is startled out of nightmares as well... Actually I can see Aeris also waking up in a panic at night, dreaming she's back in the Shinra building and there's no one to help, and Hojo is just *smiling* at her... So I can see both of them empathizing totally with his coming out of a nightmare like that.

And yeah... sadly the trust is going to turn sad at the Temple... and while I would love for the trio to snuggle up/keep each other comforted for the rest of the night, it feels more like Cloud would use the excuse of being a lookout just in-case...

[raaj]

Well, and we know too from game + AC canon that Cloud does remember having seen and heard things like the conversation on the truck, so yeah, I like to have him remember (though yes, quite unable to sort Cissnei into any sort of context past the suit). And ahhh that diverging AU fic was quite cute, even if it left me going "wait--what happens next?!"

Sadly, I'm almost 100% certain that Zack's parents are a one-time trigger; afterward they just talk about how they can't believe he hasn't written in so long, with no comment from Cloud's party.

Aha, maybe not so cunning for me; at least, imo Cloud is consciously somewhat aware of Aerith's connection to Zack--he can talk to her after she's walked out of the house, and while she mostly brushes the whole thing off there's the Clerith-y option of having Cloud feel jealousy over Aerith worrying for Zack...which I think points to him seeing that it's more than just simple worry and she still cares about the guy. (Even the non-date option, "Poor guy", has him trying to sympathize with her worry, which is a nice touch along with him realizing Tifa's not telling him everything in their conversation. It shows that Cloud really is paying attention to both of them.) Though I do think subconsciously he could take it further, since there's also the things Zack said... And yeah, I'll try to pick that thread back up of "something to tell them" in editing.

Oh, yes, Cloud's subconscious is a very odd thing with all the mess going on. ...Actually, even Cloud's dialogue in that tutorial I was thinking of is more bizarre than I remembered, in a "Cloud were you listening to yourself?" way: "Division... I'm pretty good at this. People tell me that my personality is divided. But I don't think so, but maybe it is... [Actual materia division tutorial goes here] Ha, ha...... Right now I feel like I'm dividing myself." I love when people play with how he could be so incredibly off-kilter in the game sometimes.

Cid and Vincent are missing because you can get to Gongaga before Nibelheim and Rocket Town! I suppose the party could have also gone there during the search with the Keystone, but it seems most natural to me (well--probably because I do it every playthrough) for the party to happen to stop in there immediately after Gold Saucer, since Dio's letter points them in that vicinity. The letter even mentions Gongaga by name, though you're not required to stop there to progress the general game, so it's easy for me to imagine them stopping there just in case "Sephiroth" actually went in the town. Though yeah, if Vincent had been there... .....actually I wouldn't be surprised if Cloud's dream would have him just abandon the group (he was surprised Vincent came back at all at the end of the game). But then at the same time dream logic doesn't stick to the truth or entirely normal logic, so really dream!Vincent could have done anything--if he was there. The vampire is in another castle coffin.

Yeah, Aerith might not have the same punch in her swing, but I can see both girls sympathizing with him waking up in a panic; they understand nightmares aaaall too well.

[sanctum_c]

Yeah; that AU fic would have been an intriguing different start to the story. It also links into that aspect of Cloud's recovery you noted a while back, that Cloud's true recovery begins with him seeing Tifa - the AU feels a composite with CC with Cloud being coherent from when he leaves Zack and this time it sticks as he drags him back to the city... (there was also a really dark ficlet where Zack is remembering being experimented in Nibelheim, remembers fighting Shinra and then has strange sensations and conversations("Remove the bullets carefully!") before horrifyingly coming to to find Hojo stood over him welcoming him back (and calling him just "Z" again))...

Ah - bit of a shame there's no way to have Zack's parents react differently in one game. I suppose eventually though they should turn around and ask why Cloud keeps dragging into random people and depending who they are claiming he has no idea who Zack is/recalling him.

Good point that Cloud is aware of Aeris' connection to Zack - and I do like both options are sympathisable to her - and yes! It is really good that Cloud can recognise both she and Tifa are affected by that reveal - even if Tifa is reluctant to divulge why.

...wow, I really don't remember that tutorial dialogue - but yeah, that is pretty bizarre! That is neat to see him off-kilter (there was a line in one of the KH Scribbler fics from Yuffie's perspective as she's thinking of her comrades - and Cloud's is well, he's nuts so who knows what he thinks anymore. I do find interesting that her KH fics can vary between adhering to 'The Sky...'s storyline, and others are completely different setups and takes on similar circumstances).

Ah, my fault for bad phrasing; I was meaning that had the dream occurred later they'd have been included. Thinking about it (though Cloud would have to be somewhat conscious when they arrived), it could sit just before his goodbye dream with Aeris... No, that's not really going to work - I'm not sure my original point was even coherent! Never mind! And true - I also go to Gongaga every play-through. Yeah I can see them visiting in case Sephiroth had been spotted/or just to stock up on supplies (with the reckoning the world is larger/it takes longer for them to cross then is depicted).

[raaj]

That dark ficlet (which I think I've read) reminds me of the bit-more-optimistic, slightly AU "Too Good To Be True" by mikonoda, which uses the same idea--that Zack was dragged back to Hojo's custody--and Cloud believing he'd died and later finding to his shock that Zack is alive, in a different facility of Hojo's. (Slightly AU because post-AC and had the movie play out the same way, just that Zack had never appeared in Cloud's Lifestream experience.) But yeah, in that one Zack got dragged back to Hojo and had been told Cloud had been killed in the struggle, so both were very shocked to see each other (and Zack having been doped up with mako for much longer by now was telling Cloud about how he was probably just hallucinating this but it was all right, he was happy just to have a good hallucination with Cloud, while Cloud was trying to get himself under control and slightly regretting having let the assistants at the lab go alive... Anyway, yeah, while Cloud is a bit coherent at Zack's death, he's reaaaaaally not all there quite yet.

Haha, it would be funny though if they could have that reaction; I kind of like when the NPCs are programmed to recognize when the main character has been continually bugging them. But yeah, in terms of logical continuity, it wouldn't make too much sense to have Cloud be able to leave/come back with the same party again and again--he'd always be in the party himself, so they'd know they've already asked the SOLDIER, who's the most likely candidate...the "girlfriend" assumption of either Tifa or Aerith being a really weird stretch, even if it just so happens Aerith is the girl. It's just bothersome you can't go there post-Mideel and have a significant conversation!

Ahhhh. To be honest I'd wondered if that might have been what you meant with Cid and Vincent, but then I got confused because I didn't think...maybe we both got wires crossed there!

[sanctum_c]

Oh that other AU sounds interesting (though poor Zack for surviving all that and still never managing to get to meet Aeris again); and for AC moreso it doesn't seem too hard to remove the very few Zack appearances (his voice in the Lifestream and his appearance in the church doorway...). I shall go look for that...

Heh - yeah additional programming for NPCs is always appreciated (I forget what game it is, but it used to infamous that one set of NPCs just literally said "There are many guards in the castle" - it practically became a meme for a while). And yeah, Mr. and Mrs. Fair are going to get really weirded out by a random SOLDIER bursting into their house every few minutes with different acquaintances... Still always slightly bothered by their logical leap that Aeris is Zack's girlfriend (though I suppose he could have described her in a letter...). And yeah, being unable to return post-Mideel is a nuisance failing of the game (or post-Nibelheim flashback as well - at least that one wasn't coded in originally).

[raaj]

I think that author has reposted their fic on AO3, but I'm just going to toss up this link; it has fanart for the first two chapters.

(Er, sorry about the brevity here--I think I really have run out of things to say!)

[sanctum_c]

That's okay - I think we might have hit a dead-end on this thread. Thanks for the link - I shall go investigate that...