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raaj...Honestly, if it wasn't for the fact that the Cloud half is already written and I like the Cloud-half, I think I would scrap this and change my mind about the party at Gongaga (most likely to a party of Cloud/Aerith/someone besides Tifa to fit in a scene of Cloud and Aerith). As it is I'm mostly posting it because I want to say to myself "I DID WRITE IT" even if I skimped on the transition to Cloud's half and move on to another part.
There are bits of this I like, I should make that clear. But overall, I'm just not really happy with it for various reasons, including forgetting parts of plans (and then blanking on how to integrate them with what was already written) and remembering after having written this that the first part of Sleeping Arrangements ends on Tifa wondering if she could "one day" tell Aerith about why she worries about Cloud--this is only the second part. A bit odd there. It just...did not feel natural to write like other parts did. Clunky, likely because it's longer than any other one scene, and yet still hole-y in logic.
...Yeah I'm moving on to another part now. The "how much will the girls tell each other for things to still make sense" bugs me.
"I can hear them," Tifa murmured.
"I think we all can," Aerith whispered loudly back.
At first Cloud's mutterings were too quiet for the girls to hear, but they were accompanied by rustling as he rolled onto his side to twitch the fabric of the tent flaps and make sure they were closed. He had already done this three times, and on this fourth occasion Aerith burst into laughter. "I'm keeping them out."
"Of course, of course, hee hee. Are you scared of the frogs, Cloud?"
The jungle was full of the croaking of Touch Mes, unusual amphibians who could turn their victims small and green as well. Nighttime in the Gongaga region was far from quiet, and as a result not proving very restful yet.
"Terrified of how loud you'll shriek if they get in here..."
"Oh it just surprised me the first time. I think they're rather cute. So were you."
Tifa laughed, but tugged lightly on one of Aerith's wispy curls. "You're going a little loopy. Come on, shhh."
"But you thought he was cute too, right?"
"I suppose..." Tifa looked over her shoulder to see the faint glow of Cloud's mako eyes, narrowed in his annoyed expression. "The ribbiting was funny."
"See what happens the next time either of you get shrunk," he warned. "Now come on, let's sleep. I thought you'd be more tired, Aerith..."
"Why? I wasn't the one hopping around everywhere."
Still beating the joke? Usually Aerith knew when to stop. Tifa's gaze slid back to her silhouette--Aerith's face had pointed away, even before her too-blithe response--as Cloud muddled hesitantly: "...Kind of a rough day..."
He had a gift for understatement. What should have been a simple stop for supplies and checking up on the last hint Dio had given them had been anything but. First was the jungle: unbearably humid and full of odd creatures. When they'd finally reached the respite of the town's outskirts they'd had not one but two run-ins with Shinra—apparently all four Turks were in the area, and the weapons development executive Scarlet as well—and this had not only alarmed everyone but raised suspicions of a spy, prompting Cloud to make a change of plans: rather than rest for the night at an inn, the party was going to split into two groups. Neither would stay the night in town but leave in separate directions, reuniting once they'd put some distance between themselves and Shinra. Tifa had considered the thought that maybe it was better they weren't lingering, as the town was steeped in depression, most of it ruined from a reactor blast...and then, unexpectedly, a middle-aged woman had spied Cloud from the window of her humble house and invited the three of them inside.
Cloud had hesitated long enough for the girls to figure they should hear the woman out if she had something to say; she hardly appeared a threat, worn down as badly as the rest of the people by stress and a heavy sadness in her eyes. But the question she and her husband had asked once they were inside felt like an ambush of its own: since Cloud had been in SOLDIER, was there any chance he knew their boy, Zack? He'd run away to join the program too.
A SOLDIER named Zack. Tifa thought he wasn't supposed to exist. He was supposed to be just a figment of her imagination, a delusion brought on from her injuries when Nibelheim burned, because Cloud had been the SOLDIER in Nibelheim, Cloud knew everything that had happened...even if she didn't remember him being there. So it only became more unnerving when Aerith spoke the name as if she recognized it--and the poor parents had seized on that, asking Aerith if she was the girlfriend their son had written about once.
Aerith had walked out on the question. Aerith, polite if prone to blunt opinions and blurting out exactly what she was thinking, had clammed up and left without excusing herself.
If you think she's still upset, just say it, Cloud. You're probably right…
But don't ask her about Zack. Because he can't be real. The SOLDIER I saw doesn't exist, you were there...that's why you're here now.
Isn't it?
It was a guilty relief she felt when Cloud said simply: "We'll be up early to meet with Barret and the others. So we've got to rest now. All of us." His eyes flicked to Tifa's and she fought not to flinch before he broke his gaze away to lay down and follow his own words. She'd walked out after Aerith--she didn't even remember making the decision to. Her feet had moved on autopilot, carrying her away from that rift in reality.
Because if Zack had been the SOLDIER in Nibelheim, Cloud hadn't been there. If Cloud hadn't been there, he wouldn't have been so sure that Sephiroth was a threat, wouldn't have decided so quickly to pursue him. If Cloud hadn't been there, why was he here now? ...Was he here?
Don't think stupid thoughts.
She tried to think of anything but Zack. Anything…but her mind casting back to recollections of Gongaga and Corel, the last two towns they'd been through and both betrayed by Shinra, wasn't becoming any more restful. Further back, then. Costa Del Sol had been a spot of relief for the time they'd spent there…the heat had been drier, less oppressive. Especially with the water so close to take a dip in. She and Aerith had gone shopping for swimsuits and immediately afterward splashed into the water. They'd stayed in the shallows close together, as it had been a while since Tifa had indulged in swimming and Aerith had never been able to, and they'd enjoyed the practice; but it hadn't been too long before they'd been invited to participate in a volleyball game on the beach. The guys who had called them over were obviously interested in flirting and after it'd been made clear it wasn't going to go anywhere, they'd indulged in that, too, for fun. Because they were taking a break from serious concerns. Because it was probably what two normal girls on the beach would do if neither of them had a boyfriend.
Tifa paused in that reminiscence, thinking again of the scene at Zack's parents' house. It had been so long, and Aerith certainly didn't act like she considered herself his girlfriend any longer… but at the same time it was obvious she'd never gotten closure on the relationship. Since Cloud wouldn't (shouldn't, couldn't) ask, she would. Softly: "Aerith?"
"Hm? Tifa?"
So she was still awake, too. Tifa rolled onto her side, looking at how Aerith had curled up on herself.
"Are you okay? That was so sudden of them to ask if you were his girlfriend..."
Aerith let out a sigh, looking over her shoulder and then rolling onto her back to look Tifa in the eye. She smiled; Tifa thought it looked quiet and wan, even in the darkness. "It must have been a mother's intuition. After all, she was right, wasn't she? I'm really fine. It just surprised me."
"You're sure...?"
"I'm so sure, Tifa, I may have to tickle you without mercy if you ask again."
She was always going to be light-hearted like that. Tifa wondered if she might be as hard to read as Cloud, if for completely different reasons. "I just want to make sure. I won't ask again because I'd hate to be tickled, but you know you can always talk to me, right? I've got experience in hearing out how awful exes are."
It came with being a bartender. Aerith gave a soft laugh, figuring out herself just where the experience came from. "I know. You're a good friend."
Was she, really? It was just something a friend should do, and this was the first time she'd brought it up…and she had yet to tell Aerith about the Zack she knew, or had imagined.
"Tifa? Why were you upset?"
"H, huh?"
"When you and Cloud came up to me, you had a funny look on your face... You were pretty quiet, too."
"Oh. Because--because...it just reminded me of how Cloud left to join SOLDIER. I got lucky, finding him again."
Aerith's hand brushed over her shoulder, soothing. "I'm sorry. It must have been terrifying, losing track of each other after what happened."
Except Tifa had never worried about Cloud, not like that. She'd laid on the hospital bed and cried that her hero hadn't been there, not that he might not have gotten out—she didn't remember him being there to be in any danger. Aerith couldn't understand; to her, they had last seen each other in life-threatening circumstances, five years ago. Tifa's memory said she'd last seen Cloud seven years ago, as she frantically ran after the delivery truck he'd hitched a ride on to wave goodbye before it pulled too far away. Danger hadn't even been on her mind then, besides the possible peril of tripping and scraping a knee.
The SOLDIER she'd lost track of in the crisis was Zack. And five years ago, a SOLDIER named Zack had disappeared… Aerith's boyfriend… she talked about him running off with another girl, but if he was the one Tifa remembered…
No, no. It was just coincidence.
"Aerith… this is going to sound funny."
"What is it?"
"I… dreamed about a guy named Zack once. I know it's strange, but I can't get it off my mind….sorry." It seemed so much safer to say this way; the Zack she knew was imaginary.
"It's all right, Tifa," came the patient if confused response. "Was it a weird dream?"
"You could say that. He was a SOLDIER, first class, same as Cloud…with that first-class confidence." Ego, she might have said a few weeks ago. Would still say in the mercenary's most aggravating moments, but he really was getting along better with everyone now. "They aren't very similar past that, though. I mean, Cloud's so serious, and intense…this guy, in my dream, he was really friendly. Kind of like you; a big smiler." It was startlingly easy to picture the couple, now that the idea of them dating was there. "Taller and dark—you know, tan skin, black hair… blue mako eyes. I guess he was good-looking. But you could tell he got in his share of fights, too; he had a scar, right—"
Tifa froze, even as her finger touched the side of her face to indicate the small but severe scar she remembered, the scar that Zack had lopsidedly grinned and passed on explaining when she asked as a naive teenager who didn't yet know there could be more pain than the physical blow behind such a mark. She froze, because Aerith's hand on her shoulder had stiffened.
Aerith recognized the description of a man who wasn't supposed to exist.
"Tifa," her friend said, and her voice was a pinch too loud, teetering between pitches. "What are you trying to tell me?"
"I—I don't know," she fumbled, hand falling away. Her heart felt like it was speeding up faster than it had in any recent fights. There was no way she could have hallucinated Aerith's boyfriend five years before she met Aerith and heard anything about him. And Aerith had never really said anything about how he looked, or even much about how he acted outside of being a ladies' man. Tifa had described Zack exactly as she remembered seeing the man, five years back.
And her "imaginary" SOLDIER was Aerith's boyfriend; her Zack was real. So how could Cloud be convinced he'd been in Nibelheim?
Tifa felt sick. It didn't help that Aerith's grasp on her shoulder, once comforting, tightened before the girl abruptly released it, moving onto her hands and knees to stare at Tifa directly. Even darkness couldn't remove the intensity of that close gaze.
"You're not talking about a dream. You knew him…how? When? Was he okay?"
"Shhh—" Tifa anxiously looked back, but Cloud seemed to be still sleeping. She wasn't sure she could handle it if he woke up right now, since he was sure to have his own questions after she'd denied knowing Zack. Aerith was being much too loud.
"Don't tell me…" Aerith paused, and then a little false laugh fell out of her mouth, just fell to the ground and cracked open. The volume went out of her voice. "Of course, you must have seen him in Midgar. So he was always fine… I should've known. I did know."
Tifa shook her head, grasping to take Aerith's hands. She hadn't planned to upset her friend, but she should have known; it really wasn't all right for Aerith. That miserable tone didn't belong in her voice.
"No, it was before he went missing. Or maybe…" Her throat felt thick. She really shouldn't have said anything. The misconception hurt Aerith, but the truth was going to as well.
She seemed to be catching on. "…'When' he disappeared?" Her fingers shifted around Tifa's wrists. "What happened?"
"You can't tell anyone."
"Tifa—"
"Please, Aerith." But she didn't ask for a promise. She hoped Aerith would understand once it was all out. "Five years ago, two SOLDIERs came to Nibelheim. I waited by the gate, looking forward to seeing my friend for the first time in two years…and I ended up running to my room, so disappointed I couldn't stop crying."
It came out so, so hushed that Aerith must be straining to hear it. Tifa didn't want Cloud to hear this, even subconsciously.
"It was Sephiroth and Zack who arrived in town. When Cloud first told me he'd been in Nibelheim then, I thought he was…not lying, he's not a liar. I just thought he was sick. I never told Barret, but he didn't seem well when I found him. I didn't even recognize him at first."
Aerith's silence seemed like judgment to Tifa; then she wondered if it wasn't just her guilty conscience. She could only imagine how wrong it must sound that AVALANCHE would hire on someone suffering mental delusions—Barret unintentionally, but she had always known and been the one to recommend the mercenary. At the time she'd justified it to herself that with how instantaneous Cloud's physical recovery had been, the mental was surely right behind, she just needed to keep him close a little longer to confirm it…
She'd justified a lot of things to herself. She had to keep going. "That's what I thought, at first. But I couldn't believe it when he told the story at Kalm, because everything he said? It was true. Except I remember Zack doing those things, not Cloud…that's when I started to think…"
"That Zack was a dream?"
"…Yes. I was unconscious for a long time after the incident. I woke up in Midgar, with doctors making a fuss over my head injuries and asking me questions to make sure my memories and thoughts were coherent…" She trailed off, not knowing if she wanted to tell Aerith what the doctors had thought when she told them the circumstances of her injury. There was a reason she hadn't talked about Nibelheim until Cloud had shown up; it had hurt so badly when a well-meaning nurse had tried to show her what "reality" was through a newspaper article about Sephiroth's death. He'd supposedly died honorably, in service of the company. No mention of slaughtered villagers, her once neighbors, or her murdered father…so of course, no one believed a girl telling such a tall tale after several hits to the head. She'd paged desperately through the entire issue, but Nibelheim wasn't even worth a footnote in Shinra's eyes. "When Cloud told it so clearly, I thought maybe the doctors had been right to worry. But, Zack is real. …I don't know what's true anymore."
"And, if you told Cloud…?"
Aerith already sounded doubtful about this course of action, but just the suggestion had Tifa frantically shaking her head. "No. No. His mom really was there and died. Even if he wasn't, his pain is real, you know? How can I tell him he's wrong when I don't know what's right? And…I don't know… There's other things…"
The changes in Cloud, how cold he'd seemed at first. He hadn't even remembered the promise.
Gentle hands cupped Tifa's face. "Breathe," Aerith told her. "Don't worry. I won't tell anyone."
A breath. "…I'm sorry. I wish I could tell you more about Zack. I remember him in the village that night, but I don't know what happened."
"What you know was enough."
That hardly told Aerith enough at all, Tifa thought, but she was stopped cold from saying anything when Cloud called the flower girl's name aloud. Even Aerith jumped a little. Both their heads turned his way.
"…He's still asleep. Ha… that gave me a scare. I don't think he'd like us talking about him like this."
[ And from there it goes to here. ]
There are bits of this I like, I should make that clear. But overall, I'm just not really happy with it for various reasons, including forgetting parts of plans (and then blanking on how to integrate them with what was already written) and remembering after having written this that the first part of Sleeping Arrangements ends on Tifa wondering if she could "one day" tell Aerith about why she worries about Cloud--this is only the second part. A bit odd there. It just...did not feel natural to write like other parts did. Clunky, likely because it's longer than any other one scene, and yet still hole-y in logic.
...Yeah I'm moving on to another part now. The "how much will the girls tell each other for things to still make sense" bugs me.
"I can hear them," Tifa murmured.
"I think we all can," Aerith whispered loudly back.
At first Cloud's mutterings were too quiet for the girls to hear, but they were accompanied by rustling as he rolled onto his side to twitch the fabric of the tent flaps and make sure they were closed. He had already done this three times, and on this fourth occasion Aerith burst into laughter. "I'm keeping them out."
"Of course, of course, hee hee. Are you scared of the frogs, Cloud?"
The jungle was full of the croaking of Touch Mes, unusual amphibians who could turn their victims small and green as well. Nighttime in the Gongaga region was far from quiet, and as a result not proving very restful yet.
"Terrified of how loud you'll shriek if they get in here..."
"Oh it just surprised me the first time. I think they're rather cute. So were you."
Tifa laughed, but tugged lightly on one of Aerith's wispy curls. "You're going a little loopy. Come on, shhh."
"But you thought he was cute too, right?"
"I suppose..." Tifa looked over her shoulder to see the faint glow of Cloud's mako eyes, narrowed in his annoyed expression. "The ribbiting was funny."
"See what happens the next time either of you get shrunk," he warned. "Now come on, let's sleep. I thought you'd be more tired, Aerith..."
"Why? I wasn't the one hopping around everywhere."
Still beating the joke? Usually Aerith knew when to stop. Tifa's gaze slid back to her silhouette--Aerith's face had pointed away, even before her too-blithe response--as Cloud muddled hesitantly: "...Kind of a rough day..."
He had a gift for understatement. What should have been a simple stop for supplies and checking up on the last hint Dio had given them had been anything but. First was the jungle: unbearably humid and full of odd creatures. When they'd finally reached the respite of the town's outskirts they'd had not one but two run-ins with Shinra—apparently all four Turks were in the area, and the weapons development executive Scarlet as well—and this had not only alarmed everyone but raised suspicions of a spy, prompting Cloud to make a change of plans: rather than rest for the night at an inn, the party was going to split into two groups. Neither would stay the night in town but leave in separate directions, reuniting once they'd put some distance between themselves and Shinra. Tifa had considered the thought that maybe it was better they weren't lingering, as the town was steeped in depression, most of it ruined from a reactor blast...and then, unexpectedly, a middle-aged woman had spied Cloud from the window of her humble house and invited the three of them inside.
Cloud had hesitated long enough for the girls to figure they should hear the woman out if she had something to say; she hardly appeared a threat, worn down as badly as the rest of the people by stress and a heavy sadness in her eyes. But the question she and her husband had asked once they were inside felt like an ambush of its own: since Cloud had been in SOLDIER, was there any chance he knew their boy, Zack? He'd run away to join the program too.
A SOLDIER named Zack. Tifa thought he wasn't supposed to exist. He was supposed to be just a figment of her imagination, a delusion brought on from her injuries when Nibelheim burned, because Cloud had been the SOLDIER in Nibelheim, Cloud knew everything that had happened...even if she didn't remember him being there. So it only became more unnerving when Aerith spoke the name as if she recognized it--and the poor parents had seized on that, asking Aerith if she was the girlfriend their son had written about once.
Aerith had walked out on the question. Aerith, polite if prone to blunt opinions and blurting out exactly what she was thinking, had clammed up and left without excusing herself.
If you think she's still upset, just say it, Cloud. You're probably right…
But don't ask her about Zack. Because he can't be real. The SOLDIER I saw doesn't exist, you were there...that's why you're here now.
Isn't it?
It was a guilty relief she felt when Cloud said simply: "We'll be up early to meet with Barret and the others. So we've got to rest now. All of us." His eyes flicked to Tifa's and she fought not to flinch before he broke his gaze away to lay down and follow his own words. She'd walked out after Aerith--she didn't even remember making the decision to. Her feet had moved on autopilot, carrying her away from that rift in reality.
Because if Zack had been the SOLDIER in Nibelheim, Cloud hadn't been there. If Cloud hadn't been there, he wouldn't have been so sure that Sephiroth was a threat, wouldn't have decided so quickly to pursue him. If Cloud hadn't been there, why was he here now? ...Was he here?
Don't think stupid thoughts.
She tried to think of anything but Zack. Anything…but her mind casting back to recollections of Gongaga and Corel, the last two towns they'd been through and both betrayed by Shinra, wasn't becoming any more restful. Further back, then. Costa Del Sol had been a spot of relief for the time they'd spent there…the heat had been drier, less oppressive. Especially with the water so close to take a dip in. She and Aerith had gone shopping for swimsuits and immediately afterward splashed into the water. They'd stayed in the shallows close together, as it had been a while since Tifa had indulged in swimming and Aerith had never been able to, and they'd enjoyed the practice; but it hadn't been too long before they'd been invited to participate in a volleyball game on the beach. The guys who had called them over were obviously interested in flirting and after it'd been made clear it wasn't going to go anywhere, they'd indulged in that, too, for fun. Because they were taking a break from serious concerns. Because it was probably what two normal girls on the beach would do if neither of them had a boyfriend.
Tifa paused in that reminiscence, thinking again of the scene at Zack's parents' house. It had been so long, and Aerith certainly didn't act like she considered herself his girlfriend any longer… but at the same time it was obvious she'd never gotten closure on the relationship. Since Cloud wouldn't (shouldn't, couldn't) ask, she would. Softly: "Aerith?"
"Hm? Tifa?"
So she was still awake, too. Tifa rolled onto her side, looking at how Aerith had curled up on herself.
"Are you okay? That was so sudden of them to ask if you were his girlfriend..."
Aerith let out a sigh, looking over her shoulder and then rolling onto her back to look Tifa in the eye. She smiled; Tifa thought it looked quiet and wan, even in the darkness. "It must have been a mother's intuition. After all, she was right, wasn't she? I'm really fine. It just surprised me."
"You're sure...?"
"I'm so sure, Tifa, I may have to tickle you without mercy if you ask again."
She was always going to be light-hearted like that. Tifa wondered if she might be as hard to read as Cloud, if for completely different reasons. "I just want to make sure. I won't ask again because I'd hate to be tickled, but you know you can always talk to me, right? I've got experience in hearing out how awful exes are."
It came with being a bartender. Aerith gave a soft laugh, figuring out herself just where the experience came from. "I know. You're a good friend."
Was she, really? It was just something a friend should do, and this was the first time she'd brought it up…and she had yet to tell Aerith about the Zack she knew, or had imagined.
"Tifa? Why were you upset?"
"H, huh?"
"When you and Cloud came up to me, you had a funny look on your face... You were pretty quiet, too."
"Oh. Because--because...it just reminded me of how Cloud left to join SOLDIER. I got lucky, finding him again."
Aerith's hand brushed over her shoulder, soothing. "I'm sorry. It must have been terrifying, losing track of each other after what happened."
Except Tifa had never worried about Cloud, not like that. She'd laid on the hospital bed and cried that her hero hadn't been there, not that he might not have gotten out—she didn't remember him being there to be in any danger. Aerith couldn't understand; to her, they had last seen each other in life-threatening circumstances, five years ago. Tifa's memory said she'd last seen Cloud seven years ago, as she frantically ran after the delivery truck he'd hitched a ride on to wave goodbye before it pulled too far away. Danger hadn't even been on her mind then, besides the possible peril of tripping and scraping a knee.
The SOLDIER she'd lost track of in the crisis was Zack. And five years ago, a SOLDIER named Zack had disappeared… Aerith's boyfriend… she talked about him running off with another girl, but if he was the one Tifa remembered…
No, no. It was just coincidence.
"Aerith… this is going to sound funny."
"What is it?"
"I… dreamed about a guy named Zack once. I know it's strange, but I can't get it off my mind….sorry." It seemed so much safer to say this way; the Zack she knew was imaginary.
"It's all right, Tifa," came the patient if confused response. "Was it a weird dream?"
"You could say that. He was a SOLDIER, first class, same as Cloud…with that first-class confidence." Ego, she might have said a few weeks ago. Would still say in the mercenary's most aggravating moments, but he really was getting along better with everyone now. "They aren't very similar past that, though. I mean, Cloud's so serious, and intense…this guy, in my dream, he was really friendly. Kind of like you; a big smiler." It was startlingly easy to picture the couple, now that the idea of them dating was there. "Taller and dark—you know, tan skin, black hair… blue mako eyes. I guess he was good-looking. But you could tell he got in his share of fights, too; he had a scar, right—"
Tifa froze, even as her finger touched the side of her face to indicate the small but severe scar she remembered, the scar that Zack had lopsidedly grinned and passed on explaining when she asked as a naive teenager who didn't yet know there could be more pain than the physical blow behind such a mark. She froze, because Aerith's hand on her shoulder had stiffened.
Aerith recognized the description of a man who wasn't supposed to exist.
"Tifa," her friend said, and her voice was a pinch too loud, teetering between pitches. "What are you trying to tell me?"
"I—I don't know," she fumbled, hand falling away. Her heart felt like it was speeding up faster than it had in any recent fights. There was no way she could have hallucinated Aerith's boyfriend five years before she met Aerith and heard anything about him. And Aerith had never really said anything about how he looked, or even much about how he acted outside of being a ladies' man. Tifa had described Zack exactly as she remembered seeing the man, five years back.
And her "imaginary" SOLDIER was Aerith's boyfriend; her Zack was real. So how could Cloud be convinced he'd been in Nibelheim?
Tifa felt sick. It didn't help that Aerith's grasp on her shoulder, once comforting, tightened before the girl abruptly released it, moving onto her hands and knees to stare at Tifa directly. Even darkness couldn't remove the intensity of that close gaze.
"You're not talking about a dream. You knew him…how? When? Was he okay?"
"Shhh—" Tifa anxiously looked back, but Cloud seemed to be still sleeping. She wasn't sure she could handle it if he woke up right now, since he was sure to have his own questions after she'd denied knowing Zack. Aerith was being much too loud.
"Don't tell me…" Aerith paused, and then a little false laugh fell out of her mouth, just fell to the ground and cracked open. The volume went out of her voice. "Of course, you must have seen him in Midgar. So he was always fine… I should've known. I did know."
Tifa shook her head, grasping to take Aerith's hands. She hadn't planned to upset her friend, but she should have known; it really wasn't all right for Aerith. That miserable tone didn't belong in her voice.
"No, it was before he went missing. Or maybe…" Her throat felt thick. She really shouldn't have said anything. The misconception hurt Aerith, but the truth was going to as well.
She seemed to be catching on. "…'When' he disappeared?" Her fingers shifted around Tifa's wrists. "What happened?"
"You can't tell anyone."
"Tifa—"
"Please, Aerith." But she didn't ask for a promise. She hoped Aerith would understand once it was all out. "Five years ago, two SOLDIERs came to Nibelheim. I waited by the gate, looking forward to seeing my friend for the first time in two years…and I ended up running to my room, so disappointed I couldn't stop crying."
It came out so, so hushed that Aerith must be straining to hear it. Tifa didn't want Cloud to hear this, even subconsciously.
"It was Sephiroth and Zack who arrived in town. When Cloud first told me he'd been in Nibelheim then, I thought he was…not lying, he's not a liar. I just thought he was sick. I never told Barret, but he didn't seem well when I found him. I didn't even recognize him at first."
Aerith's silence seemed like judgment to Tifa; then she wondered if it wasn't just her guilty conscience. She could only imagine how wrong it must sound that AVALANCHE would hire on someone suffering mental delusions—Barret unintentionally, but she had always known and been the one to recommend the mercenary. At the time she'd justified it to herself that with how instantaneous Cloud's physical recovery had been, the mental was surely right behind, she just needed to keep him close a little longer to confirm it…
She'd justified a lot of things to herself. She had to keep going. "That's what I thought, at first. But I couldn't believe it when he told the story at Kalm, because everything he said? It was true. Except I remember Zack doing those things, not Cloud…that's when I started to think…"
"That Zack was a dream?"
"…Yes. I was unconscious for a long time after the incident. I woke up in Midgar, with doctors making a fuss over my head injuries and asking me questions to make sure my memories and thoughts were coherent…" She trailed off, not knowing if she wanted to tell Aerith what the doctors had thought when she told them the circumstances of her injury. There was a reason she hadn't talked about Nibelheim until Cloud had shown up; it had hurt so badly when a well-meaning nurse had tried to show her what "reality" was through a newspaper article about Sephiroth's death. He'd supposedly died honorably, in service of the company. No mention of slaughtered villagers, her once neighbors, or her murdered father…so of course, no one believed a girl telling such a tall tale after several hits to the head. She'd paged desperately through the entire issue, but Nibelheim wasn't even worth a footnote in Shinra's eyes. "When Cloud told it so clearly, I thought maybe the doctors had been right to worry. But, Zack is real. …I don't know what's true anymore."
"And, if you told Cloud…?"
Aerith already sounded doubtful about this course of action, but just the suggestion had Tifa frantically shaking her head. "No. No. His mom really was there and died. Even if he wasn't, his pain is real, you know? How can I tell him he's wrong when I don't know what's right? And…I don't know… There's other things…"
The changes in Cloud, how cold he'd seemed at first. He hadn't even remembered the promise.
Gentle hands cupped Tifa's face. "Breathe," Aerith told her. "Don't worry. I won't tell anyone."
A breath. "…I'm sorry. I wish I could tell you more about Zack. I remember him in the village that night, but I don't know what happened."
"What you know was enough."
That hardly told Aerith enough at all, Tifa thought, but she was stopped cold from saying anything when Cloud called the flower girl's name aloud. Even Aerith jumped a little. Both their heads turned his way.
"…He's still asleep. Ha… that gave me a scare. I don't think he'd like us talking about him like this."
[ And from there it goes to here. ]