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raaj...Honestly, if it wasn't for the fact that the Cloud half is already written and I like the Cloud-half, I think I would scrap this and change my mind about the party at Gongaga (most likely to a party of Cloud/Aerith/someone besides Tifa to fit in a scene of Cloud and Aerith). As it is I'm mostly posting it because I want to say to myself "I DID WRITE IT" even if I skimped on the transition to Cloud's half and move on to another part.
There are bits of this I like, I should make that clear. But overall, I'm just not really happy with it for various reasons, including forgetting parts of plans (and then blanking on how to integrate them with what was already written) and remembering after having written this that the first part of Sleeping Arrangements ends on Tifa wondering if she could "one day" tell Aerith about why she worries about Cloud--this is only the second part. A bit odd there. It just...did not feel natural to write like other parts did. Clunky, likely because it's longer than any other one scene, and yet still hole-y in logic.
...Yeah I'm moving on to another part now. The "how much will the girls tell each other for things to still make sense" bugs me.
"I can hear them," Tifa murmured.
"I think we all can," Aerith whispered loudly back.
At first Cloud's mutterings were too quiet for the girls to hear, but they were accompanied by rustling as he rolled onto his side to twitch the fabric of the tent flaps and make sure they were closed. He had already done this three times, and on this fourth occasion Aerith burst into laughter. "I'm keeping them out."
"Of course, of course, hee hee. Are you scared of the frogs, Cloud?"
The jungle was full of the croaking of Touch Mes, unusual amphibians who could turn their victims small and green as well. Nighttime in the Gongaga region was far from quiet, and as a result not proving very restful yet.
"Terrified of how loud you'll shriek if they get in here..."
"Oh it just surprised me the first time. I think they're rather cute. So were you."
Tifa laughed, but tugged lightly on one of Aerith's wispy curls. "You're going a little loopy. Come on, shhh."
"But you thought he was cute too, right?"
"I suppose..." Tifa looked over her shoulder to see the faint glow of Cloud's mako eyes, narrowed in his annoyed expression. "The ribbiting was funny."
"See what happens the next time either of you get shrunk," he warned. "Now come on, let's sleep. I thought you'd be more tired, Aerith..."
"Why? I wasn't the one hopping around everywhere."
Still beating the joke? Usually Aerith knew when to stop. Tifa's gaze slid back to her silhouette--Aerith's face had pointed away, even before her too-blithe response--as Cloud muddled hesitantly: "...Kind of a rough day..."
He had a gift for understatement. What should have been a simple stop for supplies and checking up on the last hint Dio had given them had been anything but. First was the jungle: unbearably humid and full of odd creatures. When they'd finally reached the respite of the town's outskirts they'd had not one but two run-ins with Shinra—apparently all four Turks were in the area, and the weapons development executive Scarlet as well—and this had not only alarmed everyone but raised suspicions of a spy, prompting Cloud to make a change of plans: rather than rest for the night at an inn, the party was going to split into two groups. Neither would stay the night in town but leave in separate directions, reuniting once they'd put some distance between themselves and Shinra. Tifa had considered the thought that maybe it was better they weren't lingering, as the town was steeped in depression, most of it ruined from a reactor blast...and then, unexpectedly, a middle-aged woman had spied Cloud from the window of her humble house and invited the three of them inside.
Cloud had hesitated long enough for the girls to figure they should hear the woman out if she had something to say; she hardly appeared a threat, worn down as badly as the rest of the people by stress and a heavy sadness in her eyes. But the question she and her husband had asked once they were inside felt like an ambush of its own: since Cloud had been in SOLDIER, was there any chance he knew their boy, Zack? He'd run away to join the program too.
A SOLDIER named Zack. Tifa thought he wasn't supposed to exist. He was supposed to be just a figment of her imagination, a delusion brought on from her injuries when Nibelheim burned, because Cloud had been the SOLDIER in Nibelheim, Cloud knew everything that had happened...even if she didn't remember him being there. So it only became more unnerving when Aerith spoke the name as if she recognized it--and the poor parents had seized on that, asking Aerith if she was the girlfriend their son had written about once.
Aerith had walked out on the question. Aerith, polite if prone to blunt opinions and blurting out exactly what she was thinking, had clammed up and left without excusing herself.
If you think she's still upset, just say it, Cloud. You're probably right…
But don't ask her about Zack. Because he can't be real. The SOLDIER I saw doesn't exist, you were there...that's why you're here now.
Isn't it?
It was a guilty relief she felt when Cloud said simply: "We'll be up early to meet with Barret and the others. So we've got to rest now. All of us." His eyes flicked to Tifa's and she fought not to flinch before he broke his gaze away to lay down and follow his own words. She'd walked out after Aerith--she didn't even remember making the decision to. Her feet had moved on autopilot, carrying her away from that rift in reality.
Because if Zack had been the SOLDIER in Nibelheim, Cloud hadn't been there. If Cloud hadn't been there, he wouldn't have been so sure that Sephiroth was a threat, wouldn't have decided so quickly to pursue him. If Cloud hadn't been there, why was he here now? ...Was he here?
Don't think stupid thoughts.
She tried to think of anything but Zack. Anything…but her mind casting back to recollections of Gongaga and Corel, the last two towns they'd been through and both betrayed by Shinra, wasn't becoming any more restful. Further back, then. Costa Del Sol had been a spot of relief for the time they'd spent there…the heat had been drier, less oppressive. Especially with the water so close to take a dip in. She and Aerith had gone shopping for swimsuits and immediately afterward splashed into the water. They'd stayed in the shallows close together, as it had been a while since Tifa had indulged in swimming and Aerith had never been able to, and they'd enjoyed the practice; but it hadn't been too long before they'd been invited to participate in a volleyball game on the beach. The guys who had called them over were obviously interested in flirting and after it'd been made clear it wasn't going to go anywhere, they'd indulged in that, too, for fun. Because they were taking a break from serious concerns. Because it was probably what two normal girls on the beach would do if neither of them had a boyfriend.
Tifa paused in that reminiscence, thinking again of the scene at Zack's parents' house. It had been so long, and Aerith certainly didn't act like she considered herself his girlfriend any longer… but at the same time it was obvious she'd never gotten closure on the relationship. Since Cloud wouldn't (shouldn't, couldn't) ask, she would. Softly: "Aerith?"
"Hm? Tifa?"
So she was still awake, too. Tifa rolled onto her side, looking at how Aerith had curled up on herself.
"Are you okay? That was so sudden of them to ask if you were his girlfriend..."
Aerith let out a sigh, looking over her shoulder and then rolling onto her back to look Tifa in the eye. She smiled; Tifa thought it looked quiet and wan, even in the darkness. "It must have been a mother's intuition. After all, she was right, wasn't she? I'm really fine. It just surprised me."
"You're sure...?"
"I'm so sure, Tifa, I may have to tickle you without mercy if you ask again."
She was always going to be light-hearted like that. Tifa wondered if she might be as hard to read as Cloud, if for completely different reasons. "I just want to make sure. I won't ask again because I'd hate to be tickled, but you know you can always talk to me, right? I've got experience in hearing out how awful exes are."
It came with being a bartender. Aerith gave a soft laugh, figuring out herself just where the experience came from. "I know. You're a good friend."
Was she, really? It was just something a friend should do, and this was the first time she'd brought it up…and she had yet to tell Aerith about the Zack she knew, or had imagined.
"Tifa? Why were you upset?"
"H, huh?"
"When you and Cloud came up to me, you had a funny look on your face... You were pretty quiet, too."
"Oh. Because--because...it just reminded me of how Cloud left to join SOLDIER. I got lucky, finding him again."
Aerith's hand brushed over her shoulder, soothing. "I'm sorry. It must have been terrifying, losing track of each other after what happened."
Except Tifa had never worried about Cloud, not like that. She'd laid on the hospital bed and cried that her hero hadn't been there, not that he might not have gotten out—she didn't remember him being there to be in any danger. Aerith couldn't understand; to her, they had last seen each other in life-threatening circumstances, five years ago. Tifa's memory said she'd last seen Cloud seven years ago, as she frantically ran after the delivery truck he'd hitched a ride on to wave goodbye before it pulled too far away. Danger hadn't even been on her mind then, besides the possible peril of tripping and scraping a knee.
The SOLDIER she'd lost track of in the crisis was Zack. And five years ago, a SOLDIER named Zack had disappeared… Aerith's boyfriend… she talked about him running off with another girl, but if he was the one Tifa remembered…
No, no. It was just coincidence.
"Aerith… this is going to sound funny."
"What is it?"
"I… dreamed about a guy named Zack once. I know it's strange, but I can't get it off my mind….sorry." It seemed so much safer to say this way; the Zack she knew was imaginary.
"It's all right, Tifa," came the patient if confused response. "Was it a weird dream?"
"You could say that. He was a SOLDIER, first class, same as Cloud…with that first-class confidence." Ego, she might have said a few weeks ago. Would still say in the mercenary's most aggravating moments, but he really was getting along better with everyone now. "They aren't very similar past that, though. I mean, Cloud's so serious, and intense…this guy, in my dream, he was really friendly. Kind of like you; a big smiler." It was startlingly easy to picture the couple, now that the idea of them dating was there. "Taller and dark—you know, tan skin, black hair… blue mako eyes. I guess he was good-looking. But you could tell he got in his share of fights, too; he had a scar, right—"
Tifa froze, even as her finger touched the side of her face to indicate the small but severe scar she remembered, the scar that Zack had lopsidedly grinned and passed on explaining when she asked as a naive teenager who didn't yet know there could be more pain than the physical blow behind such a mark. She froze, because Aerith's hand on her shoulder had stiffened.
Aerith recognized the description of a man who wasn't supposed to exist.
"Tifa," her friend said, and her voice was a pinch too loud, teetering between pitches. "What are you trying to tell me?"
"I—I don't know," she fumbled, hand falling away. Her heart felt like it was speeding up faster than it had in any recent fights. There was no way she could have hallucinated Aerith's boyfriend five years before she met Aerith and heard anything about him. And Aerith had never really said anything about how he looked, or even much about how he acted outside of being a ladies' man. Tifa had described Zack exactly as she remembered seeing the man, five years back.
And her "imaginary" SOLDIER was Aerith's boyfriend; her Zack was real. So how could Cloud be convinced he'd been in Nibelheim?
Tifa felt sick. It didn't help that Aerith's grasp on her shoulder, once comforting, tightened before the girl abruptly released it, moving onto her hands and knees to stare at Tifa directly. Even darkness couldn't remove the intensity of that close gaze.
"You're not talking about a dream. You knew him…how? When? Was he okay?"
"Shhh—" Tifa anxiously looked back, but Cloud seemed to be still sleeping. She wasn't sure she could handle it if he woke up right now, since he was sure to have his own questions after she'd denied knowing Zack. Aerith was being much too loud.
"Don't tell me…" Aerith paused, and then a little false laugh fell out of her mouth, just fell to the ground and cracked open. The volume went out of her voice. "Of course, you must have seen him in Midgar. So he was always fine… I should've known. I did know."
Tifa shook her head, grasping to take Aerith's hands. She hadn't planned to upset her friend, but she should have known; it really wasn't all right for Aerith. That miserable tone didn't belong in her voice.
"No, it was before he went missing. Or maybe…" Her throat felt thick. She really shouldn't have said anything. The misconception hurt Aerith, but the truth was going to as well.
She seemed to be catching on. "…'When' he disappeared?" Her fingers shifted around Tifa's wrists. "What happened?"
"You can't tell anyone."
"Tifa—"
"Please, Aerith." But she didn't ask for a promise. She hoped Aerith would understand once it was all out. "Five years ago, two SOLDIERs came to Nibelheim. I waited by the gate, looking forward to seeing my friend for the first time in two years…and I ended up running to my room, so disappointed I couldn't stop crying."
It came out so, so hushed that Aerith must be straining to hear it. Tifa didn't want Cloud to hear this, even subconsciously.
"It was Sephiroth and Zack who arrived in town. When Cloud first told me he'd been in Nibelheim then, I thought he was…not lying, he's not a liar. I just thought he was sick. I never told Barret, but he didn't seem well when I found him. I didn't even recognize him at first."
Aerith's silence seemed like judgment to Tifa; then she wondered if it wasn't just her guilty conscience. She could only imagine how wrong it must sound that AVALANCHE would hire on someone suffering mental delusions—Barret unintentionally, but she had always known and been the one to recommend the mercenary. At the time she'd justified it to herself that with how instantaneous Cloud's physical recovery had been, the mental was surely right behind, she just needed to keep him close a little longer to confirm it…
She'd justified a lot of things to herself. She had to keep going. "That's what I thought, at first. But I couldn't believe it when he told the story at Kalm, because everything he said? It was true. Except I remember Zack doing those things, not Cloud…that's when I started to think…"
"That Zack was a dream?"
"…Yes. I was unconscious for a long time after the incident. I woke up in Midgar, with doctors making a fuss over my head injuries and asking me questions to make sure my memories and thoughts were coherent…" She trailed off, not knowing if she wanted to tell Aerith what the doctors had thought when she told them the circumstances of her injury. There was a reason she hadn't talked about Nibelheim until Cloud had shown up; it had hurt so badly when a well-meaning nurse had tried to show her what "reality" was through a newspaper article about Sephiroth's death. He'd supposedly died honorably, in service of the company. No mention of slaughtered villagers, her once neighbors, or her murdered father…so of course, no one believed a girl telling such a tall tale after several hits to the head. She'd paged desperately through the entire issue, but Nibelheim wasn't even worth a footnote in Shinra's eyes. "When Cloud told it so clearly, I thought maybe the doctors had been right to worry. But, Zack is real. …I don't know what's true anymore."
"And, if you told Cloud…?"
Aerith already sounded doubtful about this course of action, but just the suggestion had Tifa frantically shaking her head. "No. No. His mom really was there and died. Even if he wasn't, his pain is real, you know? How can I tell him he's wrong when I don't know what's right? And…I don't know… There's other things…"
The changes in Cloud, how cold he'd seemed at first. He hadn't even remembered the promise.
Gentle hands cupped Tifa's face. "Breathe," Aerith told her. "Don't worry. I won't tell anyone."
A breath. "…I'm sorry. I wish I could tell you more about Zack. I remember him in the village that night, but I don't know what happened."
"What you know was enough."
That hardly told Aerith enough at all, Tifa thought, but she was stopped cold from saying anything when Cloud called the flower girl's name aloud. Even Aerith jumped a little. Both their heads turned his way.
"…He's still asleep. Ha… that gave me a scare. I don't think he'd like us talking about him like this."
[ And from there it goes to here. ]
There are bits of this I like, I should make that clear. But overall, I'm just not really happy with it for various reasons, including forgetting parts of plans (and then blanking on how to integrate them with what was already written) and remembering after having written this that the first part of Sleeping Arrangements ends on Tifa wondering if she could "one day" tell Aerith about why she worries about Cloud--this is only the second part. A bit odd there. It just...did not feel natural to write like other parts did. Clunky, likely because it's longer than any other one scene, and yet still hole-y in logic.
...Yeah I'm moving on to another part now. The "how much will the girls tell each other for things to still make sense" bugs me.
"I can hear them," Tifa murmured.
"I think we all can," Aerith whispered loudly back.
At first Cloud's mutterings were too quiet for the girls to hear, but they were accompanied by rustling as he rolled onto his side to twitch the fabric of the tent flaps and make sure they were closed. He had already done this three times, and on this fourth occasion Aerith burst into laughter. "I'm keeping them out."
"Of course, of course, hee hee. Are you scared of the frogs, Cloud?"
The jungle was full of the croaking of Touch Mes, unusual amphibians who could turn their victims small and green as well. Nighttime in the Gongaga region was far from quiet, and as a result not proving very restful yet.
"Terrified of how loud you'll shriek if they get in here..."
"Oh it just surprised me the first time. I think they're rather cute. So were you."
Tifa laughed, but tugged lightly on one of Aerith's wispy curls. "You're going a little loopy. Come on, shhh."
"But you thought he was cute too, right?"
"I suppose..." Tifa looked over her shoulder to see the faint glow of Cloud's mako eyes, narrowed in his annoyed expression. "The ribbiting was funny."
"See what happens the next time either of you get shrunk," he warned. "Now come on, let's sleep. I thought you'd be more tired, Aerith..."
"Why? I wasn't the one hopping around everywhere."
Still beating the joke? Usually Aerith knew when to stop. Tifa's gaze slid back to her silhouette--Aerith's face had pointed away, even before her too-blithe response--as Cloud muddled hesitantly: "...Kind of a rough day..."
He had a gift for understatement. What should have been a simple stop for supplies and checking up on the last hint Dio had given them had been anything but. First was the jungle: unbearably humid and full of odd creatures. When they'd finally reached the respite of the town's outskirts they'd had not one but two run-ins with Shinra—apparently all four Turks were in the area, and the weapons development executive Scarlet as well—and this had not only alarmed everyone but raised suspicions of a spy, prompting Cloud to make a change of plans: rather than rest for the night at an inn, the party was going to split into two groups. Neither would stay the night in town but leave in separate directions, reuniting once they'd put some distance between themselves and Shinra. Tifa had considered the thought that maybe it was better they weren't lingering, as the town was steeped in depression, most of it ruined from a reactor blast...and then, unexpectedly, a middle-aged woman had spied Cloud from the window of her humble house and invited the three of them inside.
Cloud had hesitated long enough for the girls to figure they should hear the woman out if she had something to say; she hardly appeared a threat, worn down as badly as the rest of the people by stress and a heavy sadness in her eyes. But the question she and her husband had asked once they were inside felt like an ambush of its own: since Cloud had been in SOLDIER, was there any chance he knew their boy, Zack? He'd run away to join the program too.
A SOLDIER named Zack. Tifa thought he wasn't supposed to exist. He was supposed to be just a figment of her imagination, a delusion brought on from her injuries when Nibelheim burned, because Cloud had been the SOLDIER in Nibelheim, Cloud knew everything that had happened...even if she didn't remember him being there. So it only became more unnerving when Aerith spoke the name as if she recognized it--and the poor parents had seized on that, asking Aerith if she was the girlfriend their son had written about once.
Aerith had walked out on the question. Aerith, polite if prone to blunt opinions and blurting out exactly what she was thinking, had clammed up and left without excusing herself.
If you think she's still upset, just say it, Cloud. You're probably right…
But don't ask her about Zack. Because he can't be real. The SOLDIER I saw doesn't exist, you were there...that's why you're here now.
Isn't it?
It was a guilty relief she felt when Cloud said simply: "We'll be up early to meet with Barret and the others. So we've got to rest now. All of us." His eyes flicked to Tifa's and she fought not to flinch before he broke his gaze away to lay down and follow his own words. She'd walked out after Aerith--she didn't even remember making the decision to. Her feet had moved on autopilot, carrying her away from that rift in reality.
Because if Zack had been the SOLDIER in Nibelheim, Cloud hadn't been there. If Cloud hadn't been there, he wouldn't have been so sure that Sephiroth was a threat, wouldn't have decided so quickly to pursue him. If Cloud hadn't been there, why was he here now? ...Was he here?
Don't think stupid thoughts.
She tried to think of anything but Zack. Anything…but her mind casting back to recollections of Gongaga and Corel, the last two towns they'd been through and both betrayed by Shinra, wasn't becoming any more restful. Further back, then. Costa Del Sol had been a spot of relief for the time they'd spent there…the heat had been drier, less oppressive. Especially with the water so close to take a dip in. She and Aerith had gone shopping for swimsuits and immediately afterward splashed into the water. They'd stayed in the shallows close together, as it had been a while since Tifa had indulged in swimming and Aerith had never been able to, and they'd enjoyed the practice; but it hadn't been too long before they'd been invited to participate in a volleyball game on the beach. The guys who had called them over were obviously interested in flirting and after it'd been made clear it wasn't going to go anywhere, they'd indulged in that, too, for fun. Because they were taking a break from serious concerns. Because it was probably what two normal girls on the beach would do if neither of them had a boyfriend.
Tifa paused in that reminiscence, thinking again of the scene at Zack's parents' house. It had been so long, and Aerith certainly didn't act like she considered herself his girlfriend any longer… but at the same time it was obvious she'd never gotten closure on the relationship. Since Cloud wouldn't (shouldn't, couldn't) ask, she would. Softly: "Aerith?"
"Hm? Tifa?"
So she was still awake, too. Tifa rolled onto her side, looking at how Aerith had curled up on herself.
"Are you okay? That was so sudden of them to ask if you were his girlfriend..."
Aerith let out a sigh, looking over her shoulder and then rolling onto her back to look Tifa in the eye. She smiled; Tifa thought it looked quiet and wan, even in the darkness. "It must have been a mother's intuition. After all, she was right, wasn't she? I'm really fine. It just surprised me."
"You're sure...?"
"I'm so sure, Tifa, I may have to tickle you without mercy if you ask again."
She was always going to be light-hearted like that. Tifa wondered if she might be as hard to read as Cloud, if for completely different reasons. "I just want to make sure. I won't ask again because I'd hate to be tickled, but you know you can always talk to me, right? I've got experience in hearing out how awful exes are."
It came with being a bartender. Aerith gave a soft laugh, figuring out herself just where the experience came from. "I know. You're a good friend."
Was she, really? It was just something a friend should do, and this was the first time she'd brought it up…and she had yet to tell Aerith about the Zack she knew, or had imagined.
"Tifa? Why were you upset?"
"H, huh?"
"When you and Cloud came up to me, you had a funny look on your face... You were pretty quiet, too."
"Oh. Because--because...it just reminded me of how Cloud left to join SOLDIER. I got lucky, finding him again."
Aerith's hand brushed over her shoulder, soothing. "I'm sorry. It must have been terrifying, losing track of each other after what happened."
Except Tifa had never worried about Cloud, not like that. She'd laid on the hospital bed and cried that her hero hadn't been there, not that he might not have gotten out—she didn't remember him being there to be in any danger. Aerith couldn't understand; to her, they had last seen each other in life-threatening circumstances, five years ago. Tifa's memory said she'd last seen Cloud seven years ago, as she frantically ran after the delivery truck he'd hitched a ride on to wave goodbye before it pulled too far away. Danger hadn't even been on her mind then, besides the possible peril of tripping and scraping a knee.
The SOLDIER she'd lost track of in the crisis was Zack. And five years ago, a SOLDIER named Zack had disappeared… Aerith's boyfriend… she talked about him running off with another girl, but if he was the one Tifa remembered…
No, no. It was just coincidence.
"Aerith… this is going to sound funny."
"What is it?"
"I… dreamed about a guy named Zack once. I know it's strange, but I can't get it off my mind….sorry." It seemed so much safer to say this way; the Zack she knew was imaginary.
"It's all right, Tifa," came the patient if confused response. "Was it a weird dream?"
"You could say that. He was a SOLDIER, first class, same as Cloud…with that first-class confidence." Ego, she might have said a few weeks ago. Would still say in the mercenary's most aggravating moments, but he really was getting along better with everyone now. "They aren't very similar past that, though. I mean, Cloud's so serious, and intense…this guy, in my dream, he was really friendly. Kind of like you; a big smiler." It was startlingly easy to picture the couple, now that the idea of them dating was there. "Taller and dark—you know, tan skin, black hair… blue mako eyes. I guess he was good-looking. But you could tell he got in his share of fights, too; he had a scar, right—"
Tifa froze, even as her finger touched the side of her face to indicate the small but severe scar she remembered, the scar that Zack had lopsidedly grinned and passed on explaining when she asked as a naive teenager who didn't yet know there could be more pain than the physical blow behind such a mark. She froze, because Aerith's hand on her shoulder had stiffened.
Aerith recognized the description of a man who wasn't supposed to exist.
"Tifa," her friend said, and her voice was a pinch too loud, teetering between pitches. "What are you trying to tell me?"
"I—I don't know," she fumbled, hand falling away. Her heart felt like it was speeding up faster than it had in any recent fights. There was no way she could have hallucinated Aerith's boyfriend five years before she met Aerith and heard anything about him. And Aerith had never really said anything about how he looked, or even much about how he acted outside of being a ladies' man. Tifa had described Zack exactly as she remembered seeing the man, five years back.
And her "imaginary" SOLDIER was Aerith's boyfriend; her Zack was real. So how could Cloud be convinced he'd been in Nibelheim?
Tifa felt sick. It didn't help that Aerith's grasp on her shoulder, once comforting, tightened before the girl abruptly released it, moving onto her hands and knees to stare at Tifa directly. Even darkness couldn't remove the intensity of that close gaze.
"You're not talking about a dream. You knew him…how? When? Was he okay?"
"Shhh—" Tifa anxiously looked back, but Cloud seemed to be still sleeping. She wasn't sure she could handle it if he woke up right now, since he was sure to have his own questions after she'd denied knowing Zack. Aerith was being much too loud.
"Don't tell me…" Aerith paused, and then a little false laugh fell out of her mouth, just fell to the ground and cracked open. The volume went out of her voice. "Of course, you must have seen him in Midgar. So he was always fine… I should've known. I did know."
Tifa shook her head, grasping to take Aerith's hands. She hadn't planned to upset her friend, but she should have known; it really wasn't all right for Aerith. That miserable tone didn't belong in her voice.
"No, it was before he went missing. Or maybe…" Her throat felt thick. She really shouldn't have said anything. The misconception hurt Aerith, but the truth was going to as well.
She seemed to be catching on. "…'When' he disappeared?" Her fingers shifted around Tifa's wrists. "What happened?"
"You can't tell anyone."
"Tifa—"
"Please, Aerith." But she didn't ask for a promise. She hoped Aerith would understand once it was all out. "Five years ago, two SOLDIERs came to Nibelheim. I waited by the gate, looking forward to seeing my friend for the first time in two years…and I ended up running to my room, so disappointed I couldn't stop crying."
It came out so, so hushed that Aerith must be straining to hear it. Tifa didn't want Cloud to hear this, even subconsciously.
"It was Sephiroth and Zack who arrived in town. When Cloud first told me he'd been in Nibelheim then, I thought he was…not lying, he's not a liar. I just thought he was sick. I never told Barret, but he didn't seem well when I found him. I didn't even recognize him at first."
Aerith's silence seemed like judgment to Tifa; then she wondered if it wasn't just her guilty conscience. She could only imagine how wrong it must sound that AVALANCHE would hire on someone suffering mental delusions—Barret unintentionally, but she had always known and been the one to recommend the mercenary. At the time she'd justified it to herself that with how instantaneous Cloud's physical recovery had been, the mental was surely right behind, she just needed to keep him close a little longer to confirm it…
She'd justified a lot of things to herself. She had to keep going. "That's what I thought, at first. But I couldn't believe it when he told the story at Kalm, because everything he said? It was true. Except I remember Zack doing those things, not Cloud…that's when I started to think…"
"That Zack was a dream?"
"…Yes. I was unconscious for a long time after the incident. I woke up in Midgar, with doctors making a fuss over my head injuries and asking me questions to make sure my memories and thoughts were coherent…" She trailed off, not knowing if she wanted to tell Aerith what the doctors had thought when she told them the circumstances of her injury. There was a reason she hadn't talked about Nibelheim until Cloud had shown up; it had hurt so badly when a well-meaning nurse had tried to show her what "reality" was through a newspaper article about Sephiroth's death. He'd supposedly died honorably, in service of the company. No mention of slaughtered villagers, her once neighbors, or her murdered father…so of course, no one believed a girl telling such a tall tale after several hits to the head. She'd paged desperately through the entire issue, but Nibelheim wasn't even worth a footnote in Shinra's eyes. "When Cloud told it so clearly, I thought maybe the doctors had been right to worry. But, Zack is real. …I don't know what's true anymore."
"And, if you told Cloud…?"
Aerith already sounded doubtful about this course of action, but just the suggestion had Tifa frantically shaking her head. "No. No. His mom really was there and died. Even if he wasn't, his pain is real, you know? How can I tell him he's wrong when I don't know what's right? And…I don't know… There's other things…"
The changes in Cloud, how cold he'd seemed at first. He hadn't even remembered the promise.
Gentle hands cupped Tifa's face. "Breathe," Aerith told her. "Don't worry. I won't tell anyone."
A breath. "…I'm sorry. I wish I could tell you more about Zack. I remember him in the village that night, but I don't know what happened."
"What you know was enough."
That hardly told Aerith enough at all, Tifa thought, but she was stopped cold from saying anything when Cloud called the flower girl's name aloud. Even Aerith jumped a little. Both their heads turned his way.
"…He's still asleep. Ha… that gave me a scare. I don't think he'd like us talking about him like this."
[ And from there it goes to here. ]
(no subject)
Date: 2013-04-17 03:54 pm (UTC)There are parts I liked too! I think (and I need to more thoroughly re-read the section that came after this with Cloud's dream) that the tone is slightly off between the two chapters. While the next one starts bleakly with Cloud's dream, there's a certain amount of levity in Aeris and Tifa and how they talk to Cloud when he's awake... and while Aeris is comforting Tifa, its feels a bit of a disconnect between the two. That said if you take out the Zack section that's a huge chunk of this chpater then gone. "'argh'" once again.
I really like the first bit though! All the teasing about the frogs and how cute Cloud was when he was transformed felt just about right. Also liked the memory of Costa del Sol and them just having fun on the beach/swimming, and the gentle flirting/tickle threats that Aeris made.
Now... problematically, I don't think there's as much of a problem with what Tifa and Aeris talk about, unfortunately I think its positioning as you said - coming before Cloud's dream feels tonally disconnected, and also so soon after Tifa wondering if she would one day be able to talk to Aeris (though I suppose in actual time this is a few weeks/maybe a month later so that actually is a passage of time - but to the reader its within a chapter - which does feel hasty).
That said, I do like how the conversation starts and the reactions; Tifa trying to distance herself from admitting she remembers things differently by trying to pass it off as a dream - she's hoping Aeris will come back with "No, Zack had red hair or something." Or that the scar is completely wrong... And also Aeris' initial assumption of where Tifa must be getting the description has a right feel to it; it ties into her own seeming misfortune - all this time she wondered where Zack was and he was right back in the same city and really never did care for her...
And I do like Tifa's doubting of her own memories like that, with all the empirical evidence around that seems to flatly contradict what she remembers. And I do like her reason for not telling Cloud - how can she tell him he's wrong if she's not certain what's right? Even now she has a corroboration for part of her version she can't begin to explain how Cloud could know these things. And that I think ties neatly into the North Crater and that's why she admits everything - Sephiroth provides a seemingly important piece of the puzzle as well and things seem to make a horrible sense even as she's insisting to herself that she knew Cloud prior to that and that if her memory was right about Nibelheim it should be right about the events leading up to it.
Sorry this got kind of meandering, and not sure if any of that was in anyway useful...
(no subject)
Date: 2013-04-17 09:48 pm (UTC)...Ah. You have a very good point that I didn't even think about--because yeah, I was going more by the tone of Cloud's dream rather than Tifa and Aerith's reactions to him. They are concerned in his half, but if they'd just been talking about this it does seem very likely they'd be more upset/troubled by him having such a violent dream. Though yes, that is a major chunk to remove...
Haha, to be honest? I "started" writing for this section two separate times in different documents. The first time was just a few lines of dialogue with no accompanying narrative-- From Tifa's "Are you okay?" to Aerith's tickle threat. And then a little bit later I was trying to think of how the scene would get to that part, and the bantering over Cloud's run-in with Touch Mes got written. So I do like both of them, probably because I wrote both of them first and easily (though then I struggled a bit in connecting the two).
Positioning and tone are both problems, yeah...I think part of the problem here is I was doing this when I kept thinking Sleeping Arrangements might end up fairly long (so a better chance of actually having something between the first chapter and this); I think I also got too caught up in the whole idea of arcing this into "the one who didn't die" rather than just focusing on the tone of "Sleeping Arrangements"; that is, the early sections should really be more light-hearted/focused on growing feelings between Cloud and Aerith and Tifa before the Gold Saucer/Temple, where the gaps still between them become more apparent. I think, anyway. Cloud's section brings up the issues somewhat anyway, because...well, it's Cloud, he's like the poster child of issues in the game, but the overall sentiment is about him wanting to protect/be good enough for them and the girls already wanting to support him, even if they don't totally understand what's wrong and he's more or less refusing to accept anything is...
/my thoughts are rambly
Yes, Tifa was definitely hoping Aerith would laugh off her description and it wouldn't be at all right, for whatever reason. Originally in my head I actually wanted Aerith to be worried Tifa was being so roundabout and evasive because Zack had tried to/actually dated her or something and actually get upset for a moment, but that seemed like too far a leap in logic (that is I can see Aerith thinking it as a possibility for a second, but not so much grabbing onto it as a likely theory before Tifa clarifies). But yeah, with Nibelheim being so small too, and from Cloud's story it didn't sound like Shinra was out there too much...it'd strike Aerith as Tifa must have met Zack in Midgar, and that just confirms the worst fears about how Zack felt about her.
Your comment really did help! It's always good to have another perspective, and a new idea popped into my head shortly after I first read the comment. Because you're right, the Zack portion really does trip things up in tone moving to the next chapter, and pacing coming from the first; while it's a significant chunk of the scene, I'm starting to consider... that really might need to be scrapped from Sleeping Arrangements. If I really want to use Aerith and Tifa talking in Gongaga, or near it, there is always the option of flashback from "the one who didn't die". Likewise Costa Del Sol can be reminisced about from any time since it's already flashback. Mostly, as I find the Touch Mes fun, I might keep that scene's dialogue and actions, add it to Cloud's scene and change the narration so it's Cloud's POV, rather than Tifa's, keeping everything in Gongaga one POV. While I enjoy parts of this, it does seem to be bogging things down. Think I'll experiment with that possibility a bit and otherwise move to another part.
(no subject)
Date: 2013-04-18 09:33 pm (UTC)Haha - those first written sections are definitely my favourite bits as well. Connecting the two of them felt okay actually, and I can easily see those kinds of unwanted thoughts running around Tifa's head like that. I do like that plan about making "Sleeping Arrangements" more light-hearted and not really worrying about "The One Who Didn't Die" just yet, and letting that one set its own tone when you reach it (which is in many ways similar to how FFVII itself operates given the much more humorous tone prior to the Temple of the Ancients).
Not to worry about rambling - I'm worried about this making any coherent sense as I feel I'm just rambling here too...
Hmm... I'd agree that Aeris fearing Tifa had had some kind of relation/Zack had asked her out is an assumption too far - and yeah the thought might cross her mind, but she wouldn't dwell on it; while she has settled on a less then great explanation for his disappearance, she'd trust Tifa to be more forward about volunteering that information I think. The round-about route means there's something else that means Tifa doesn't feel she can directly admit how she knows him - and maybe Aeris' thought process is that Zack was a regular at the Seventh Heaven improbably, that his new lover was in Sector Seven and if she'd just ventured a little further from her home she'd have seen him again/gained closure. Rambling again!
So... when Tifa confirms she didn't see Zack in Midgar Aeris is both relieved and now very curious - in Midgar would be such a callous dismissal of her feelings by Zack; coming right home, being so close and making no move to see her. But if that's not true...
Actually this reminds me of another bit of canon setup I'm skeptical of; apparently both Ifalna and Cloud were found on the Sector Seven platform. Cloud I can see given the likelyhood of Tifa running across him. But Ifalna? While the station graphic is the Sector Seven one I always assumed that all the stations just look so similar they're happily recycling them. From there though apparently Sector Seven is for some reason the sole slum station and the link to the upper plate (Barret does comment after the plate drop that the train doesn't run to the surface anymore. But that still seems weird that its because the station is now gone - seems more likely that the drop meant the halting of the traffic systems or something similar). Which doesn't feel right; while Shinra are generally uncaring, forcing anyone who wants to get to the upper plate to trek to Sector Seven feels off, plus the trains should be vastly more crowded if that was true.
On top of that it implies the entireity of Midgar is on one single train line (or close to it). I always assumed there were train lines into each sector (upper and lower) and just one track that spiralled up to the upper plate and the trains had to switch lines depending on destination. CC certainly implied Sector Five had its own station as Zack gets to that from the market to the Sector One station - otherwise he'd have to trek two sectors over, and he's going entirely the wrong way...
Rambly!
Glad the comment helped and you had a new idea! And that does sound usable to have the conversation happen later in flashback. And hopefully the experiment produces something good.
(no subject)
Date: 2013-04-19 04:05 pm (UTC)And again right on how the assumption of how Tifa knows him would feel completely wrong--it'd feel like she's assuming Tifa is trying to protect herself from being blamed in any way, while Aerith would more likely think Tifa is probably having trouble voicing the situation because it puts other people in an uncomfortable position (which is the truth).
I always did assume Ifalna was on a sector 5 train platform and it was just recycled graphics, actually. Though later I found there is one line by the sector 7 conductor NPC that suggests he was the same conductor present when Ifalna was dying: "When you've been a train man as long as I have, you see a lot of people and a lot of lives. People meeting, parting, joy, sadness... [snip] Back during the war, I remember there was a lot of painful scenes then. But, that's a story for another day..." Could be just setting up the mood later for Elmyra to talk about an actual painful scene from the time of the war, and maybe there just happened to be a bunch for the conductor to have plenty of his own stories too, but that it sets up a precedent for Elmyra's story kind of creates that possible connection... At the same time, yeah, it really doesn't make sense for the sector 7 train to be the sole one, even though that seems to be the tone of Barret's statement (it sounds a bit permanent from what he says, rather than temporary mess up of traffic), but that could be a quirk that came up in translation.
Or maybe that bit of the game is just weak in the plausibility of its presentation; that IS the same part where a news reporter says Shinra prevented any civilian casualties (who would believe that?!). So it's not too hard to see them having decided sector 7 was the sole station at that time despite the implausibility. Or maybe it was just the only station within a reasonable distance (ignoring for the moment CC giving sector 5 its own)--I can see more stations without every sector having a station; so the next one's over in 4, but security is heightened and they don't know what kind of situation they'd be walking into... plus they already got caught out by security on the last train they took, and they no longer have Jessie to make fake IDs. In all honesty Barret's line should have been about needing to avoid the public security system, not there being no more trains.
...I don't know. XD VII largely hangs together well but it does have those little details where it's like "don't think that was quite right..."
(no subject)
Date: 2013-04-19 09:18 pm (UTC)That does sound like a much better reason for Barret's line - and yeah, not every sector necessarily needs a station, but it does help for there to be more then one way to the upper plate... (I was actually going to note that Elmyra walks onto screen entirely the wrong way to have come from Sector Five (she enters from the opposite side to the train graveyard) - until I realised that the access point between Sector 6 and 7 is opposite the support pillar and where there are normally two guards who prevent Cloud from going any further. And haha true, the news report claiming there are no deaths... Though watching the FMV shows people on the upper plate as the pillar collpases and a number of people still in the sector as the plate falls. There definitely were civilian casualties in the incident...
...unless they're implying that *everyone* who died was an Avalanche symapthiser and thus not a civilian?
...ah! I never made that connection with the Sector 7 conductor like that - and yeah that does sound like it fits together like that. Personally I would go with more stations just for plausibility in a city of that scale/lack of any other way up to the upper plate (I'd like to think that the trains are on a cycle and not just one that runs all the way up to Sector Eight, stops, and then winds back down again. Come on Reeve!)
(no subject)
Date: 2013-04-20 03:10 pm (UTC)Shinra claiming everyone was an AVALANCHE sympathizer--ah. Now that makes some sense again! I still feel like it's in the end weak (because people on the upper plate died too and there's that sharp sociological divide between upper and lower, it's not like people in sector 7's upper plate would ordinarily be lumped in with the lower) but I can definitely see Shinra using that logic so at least the writers weren't thinking all those deaths would just honestly be ignored (so if you're alive good for you, the dead people were all terrorists; cheery).
(no subject)
Date: 2013-04-21 09:47 pm (UTC)Very true that tarring everyone in Sector Seven as an Avalanche sympathiser is a weaker argument - and yeah I had previously forgotten the Upper Plate was depicted with people in it (Denzel's family really did only get out due to the Turks it seems. Everyone else was collateral damage apparently. Collateral damage Shinra never admitted to). Hehe - yep; dead terrorist, alive; well done. By the way we still need you to come into work tomorrow...
(no subject)
Date: 2013-04-22 04:00 am (UTC)But haha, yeah... I think it just comes down to that section being a bit of stretch in plausibility/really hamming up Shinra as morally bankrupt but too tyrannical for protest.
(no subject)
Date: 2013-04-22 07:27 pm (UTC)Heh - true. The plate drop basically concretes the idea that Shinra are no good at all and are an obstacle to the future of the world...
(no subject)
Date: 2013-04-23 03:51 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-04-23 09:27 pm (UTC)(it has some horrible plausible real world feel to it; by that stage Shinra were effectively untouchable; the city council was completely in their control, they control the only visible army, there was no one outside of Wutai maybe to appeal to and they'd been thoroughly defeated and were just staying out the way. So with all that being utterly lax in health and safety for profit motives feels worryingly plausible...)
(no subject)
Date: 2013-04-24 01:00 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-04-24 08:11 pm (UTC)(now I have crazy head-canon like he actually lives in the slums somewhere, and the nice house his mother lives in is actually one assigned by Shinra but he couldn't accept his mother living below plate so he swapped with her, and told her little white lies about his new apartment not being ready to visit so he's crashing on someone's sofa so she can't visit him...).
I now see the most frequently recurring complaint that finds it's way to Reeve's desk (after why has my application for an upper plate house been rejected again) is about the transit system...
(no subject)
Date: 2013-04-25 06:46 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-04-25 10:00 pm (UTC)Actually now I'm thinking Reeve actually has a whole office filled with complaints about the transit system; he took over the office next door as he was getting them too fast, Domino was no help and the President is way too fixated on Neo-Midgar to worry about fixing the current.
...admittedly the slums might have been a step too far, and yeah woefully unprotected down there. Haha! Yeah I think Palmer is ultimately the least favourite exec...
There is a fic where Rufus gets mugged just outside the Shinra building and is assisted by a slum-dweller to get back above plate and back to the Shinra tower - she dies in the attempt certain Rufus would have turned on her as soon as he was able. The start however has Scarlet convincing Rufus to slip out of his office as Reeve is on the way up. She calls him "The Boy Scout" which (excepting that such an organisation feels a little unlikely/fool-hardy in that universe) sounds the kind of dismissive attitude I can see the majority of the Shinra elite having towards Reeve.
(no subject)
Date: 2013-04-27 04:15 pm (UTC)I'm a little confused about the fic--so the mugger kills the person from the slums? Were they actually together that long? It just seems odd for some reason... But yeah from Heidegger's way of talking to Reeve it's pretty obvious the others don't think much about his concerns.
(no subject)
Date: 2013-04-27 04:48 pm (UTC)Ah - I confused on the fic... I think it was some gang thing where the mugger jumps Rufus outside Shinra HQ and drags him to the slums. Rufus is rescued by a slum-dweller who helps him get back to the upper plate for a big reward constantly suspicious of Rufus' plans. They find a gang lying in wait to kidnap and ransom Rufus when they get back to Shinra HQ and the slum-dweller gets killed in the crossfire. It would have been easier to just link the fics... But now it turns out there are two versions. The one I read is here: http://www.rpgamer.com/games/ff/ff7/fanfics/aeneas_factor.html which seems to start earlier then the revised version here: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1867321/1/The-Aeneas-Factor. The first one is the one which definitely has Scarlet's dismissive appraisal of Reeve.
(no subject)
Date: 2013-04-27 05:25 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-04-27 06:11 pm (UTC)Definitely concur on the story - felt predictable as unless it was AU Rufus was not really going to get a new world-view quick enough for the time-frame. And Dido's motivation is a bit odd like that... But as you said on the other hand the established characters all feel right and the story itself is well written...