![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
raajActually this time I'm not really upset about anything I've written. It's that what I've written isn't yet fitting into a cohesive thing. I can't seem to get a handle on what the driving points for these parts are, and as a result I'm pretty much getting to the point where I can't even make myself write more for it: I tweak stuff, rearrange sections, and... so little is actually properly complete as a scene or transitioning into each other because I don't know what scenes I even want to keep (this is way too long considering no scene in here is actually all the way complete). So yeah, warning, this is seriously messy to read.
Kind of debating just posting the first chapter as its own standalone and leaving the rest, well, alone. I like the idea of the story, it's the telling I can't figure out.
To start off with, HERE IS A BIT I CAN ACTUALLY CONSIDER COMPLETE even if I don't know it'll appear in the final draft of the story. (In fact it almost seems like with a bit of editing it could probably be its own thing as Tifa introspection.)
Cloud tells her, Aerith sent him a dream. That's how he knew she's headed for the City of the Ancients.
It doesn't hurt. Not harshly. The thought just sits there in Tifa's mind, lacking the good grace to know it's long overstayed its welcome.
A dream of peace and a promise. It sounds like something from a fairy tale, a more ethereal romance. It tempts a daydreamer to believe in soulmates—which, to be honest, Tifa never really has before. Cloud was her sweetheart always, her soulmate never. There is a connection, an understanding implied in 'soulmates' that she has never been able to pretend to with the blond, whose blue eyes hide thoughts she can't fathom. Even when they were both kids, he was hard to understand. She remembers that. It's getting harder to remember anything else about their friendship now.
If she had been made to claim anyone on this Planet as her soulmate...she thinks she would have said Aerith, the beautiful woman with hopeful green eyes. They had clicked so quickly, always breaking off from the others to do something together or teaming up when someone stubborn needed convincing, often without words. But--
But Aerith sent Cloud the dream. And for Tifa, there had only been a lie and excuse about why and where she was going out. "Stretching my legs!" Right. Aerith was stretching her legs across two continents.
Tifa understands well enough why she was lied to. Oh, she disagrees with it, but she understands. She would have stopped Aerith, she would have insisted on coming along, and even in the dream (as Cloud says, since she didn't have it) her friend didn't want to be followed. Rationally, it makes sense why Aerith carried things out the way she did, wanting what she did, even if Tifa Lockhart chafes at being kept away. So it doesn't hurt, not harshly.
But it still stings. That she was lied to. That Cloud got a proper explanation in their dream. Heh, "their" dream. If two people can share a dream, they really are connected, aren't they? In a bond that space and distance itself can't stretch out to fray.
Tifa had already known that night in Gold Saucer that she was going to get left behind. Once Aerith had made up her mind to pursue Cloud... Tifa hadn't even been able to choose then, or now, which one she loved more, which one she should confess to, and they'd been drawing ever steadily closer to each other. But to think, she'd been worried about something as ordinary as them kissing, when as it just so happened Aerith could touch Cloud's soul halfway around the world.
Had she ever stood a chance in this little love triangle?
So that's that. And then, backtracking a bit, here is the odds and ends and I swear I just cannot write anything long.
Aerith slept. Tifa didn't, keeping watch over her when she wasn't fretting over Cloud. He was dead to the world; wouldn't wake. But then, it was a near unanimous sentiment to let him take his time on that account. On the other hand Aerith needed to be woken up, every couple of hours, to make sure the concussion wasn't affecting her—it was never easy to tell with those if restorative materia had fully done the job. The smallness of Gongaga's inn meant a short patrol for Tifa as she paced between the two beds opposite each other in the tiny circular room, trying to count down the time and weighing counter impulses between letting Aerith recover from her exhaustion and wanting to make sure she would still wake, as well as to see if she might be able to explain any more of just what had happened in the pit that had been the Temple's foundation. One or two of the other members of their party were always in the inn as well, but the whole nine-man team was simply too big for the establishment, and after some discussion (and arguing, and uncertain looks that had hurt with their aim), they were mostly split up throughout the town. Gathering supplies and trying to figure out their next move, ostensibly.
Playing a waiting game as they wondered if the world might really come to an end.
The first time Aerith was carefully shook awake, she'd immediately spoken Cloud's name as a question, turning her head sharply to try catching sight of him. When she spotted him, the relieved sigh that passed her lips almost hurt to hear. "He's here, yeah," Tifa said needlessly. "We're back in Gongaga."
"He hasn't woken up?"
"No." The concern in Aerith's faint voice was heartening and frustrating all at once. If she was worried for Cloud even now, did she really not blame him? Tifa was glad for that, but she wanted to know why, so everyone could be reassured. …So she could be okay with the fact that Aerith was still bruised and disheveled from an assault that could have killed her, and already forgiving. "Aerith, do you think you can stay awake for a little while? We still don't know what happened down there…what happened to you and Cloud. And the Black Materia is…"
Tifa was already bracing herself as her friend's face grew dark and pinched, upset. The flower girl broke her gaze from their still-sleeping friend to answer: "Sephiroth has it."
A curse floated from the doorway; of course Cid was listening. Vincent surely was too, if more controlled in his reactions. After she'd carried Aerith out of the pit, Barret after her hauling Cloud like a sack of potatoes, Nanaki and Cait Sith had called up that they couldn't find the Black Materia in the pit. Tifa and Barret had each done a quick check of their unconscious passengers, but the materia seemed to have vanished. Immediately the gunman had yelled down demanding if this wasn't another fast one being pulled by Shinra, but Cait Sith was adamant that he'd done nothing fishy in the few minutes he'd been down in the pit—as though Nanaki's sharp eyes and hearing wouldn't have caught him out; they could check him too if they wanted! And it was testament to the tension running through the group that even with everyone aware of how unlikely the possibility was, Vincent actually did check the robot, just to put the nail in that coffin and lay it to rest. The narrow window of circumstance left a short list of suspects, and Sephiroth's name had topped it as the group remembered his strange movements, how he could have slipped past even the most careful watch. Tifa's heart still knotted like a noose to hear it confirmed.
"Then he's going to summon Meteor." And Nanaki's explanation of Sephiroth's plan for that particular spell had been chilling: if there was any truth in it, they were all in big trouble. If it was all true… the world really could come to an end.
"We still have time. He needs the Promised Land…" Aerith drifted off to silence, staring over Tifa's shoulder at what the fighter knew was just the brick wall of the hut; the room's entrance was on her other side.
"Aerith?"
Now she was looking at the door. And then the injured woman was trying to push herself off the bed. Even before her bruises made her stop short with a wince, Tifa was up on her feet, holding one hand out to stop her friend.
"No way. You need to rest."
"But, the Planet—"
"You said we still have time, right? So take a rest. You could tell me what it's saying." Not that Tifa really knew what to make of talking to the Planet; the only spirits she'd ever worked with were the alcoholic kind. But it was evident Aerith had talked to something in the temple…and even if she was the only who could hear it, that didn't mean others couldn't help her do whatever was needed, right?
There was so much tension knotted up in the brawler's limbs. She would have raced out and done just about anything, anything the Planet could ask, if it would fix this situation. If it would guarantee Cloud's eyes opening with clarity and calm, if it would mean Aerith could rest, if it would make everyone safe.
"I… I don't know. It's not clear," the Ancient admitted falteringly, sinking the hope of such a simple fix.
Tifa let out a slow breath. "Then we can't do anything yet. We need some sort of plan."
She had the strength to be firm, especially when the other woman's eyes were still murky with exhaustion; if Aerith wouldn't worry about herself, someone needed to. In the end the woman agreed to lie back down, 'for a little bit', and almost immediately slipped back into sleep. Tifa adjusted the pillow under the woman's head and fretted with the edges of her blanket, as her hands lacked anything better to do.
Cid summed up the situation: "Well, fuck!"
Cloud continued to sleep, and Tifa wondered, as she seemed to have countless times since finding him, what exactly was on his mind. Had he fully realized the trouble they were now in? Was that why had he snapped?
There still wasn't anything they could do, and it was starting to drive her mad.
Hours passed before Aerith was woken up again. The exhaustion in her eyes had turned into sadness. "Everyone's hurting."
That hit a little too close to home with how tense the group was, and Tifa shook her head. "What do you mean?"
"…Screaming…"
Tifa pursed her lips, sitting down by the side of the bed. Obviously her friend hadn't gotten the hoped-for restful sleep. "...Nanaki never heard Cloud scream."
"Ah?" Aerith's eyes flicked up to the ceiling without focusing on it. "...Oh." Her hands clasped gently under her chest, beginning to rise and fall with her breath. She closed her eyes for just a few seconds, and by the time Tifa recognized she might be praying--it was a gesture seen so rarely nowadays--her eyes were already open again. "No. I suppose he wouldn't have."
"I don't get it. What does that even mean? You were just hearing the Planet? But you sounded so sure he was hurt," Tifa blurted out, and almost winced at her pleading. But Aerith probably understood. She was concerned for Cloud too.
"I know what Cloud sounds like," Aerith said. Her voice was firm. "I've been listening, and watching, for him. For a while now. But I didn't know what to make of it."
Paying attention to Cloud? Tifa wasn't surprised, not after that night at the Gold Saucer, but that sting of petty jealousy was so slight at the moment. "Didn't know what to make of it?"
The other woman actually looked timid for a split-second, like she wanted to swallow back the very words she was clearly mulling over. "I thought... you would have said if something was really wrong with Cloud. You know him best of all of us."
For a moment, Tifa didn't react at all, her face slack at the unexpected statement. Aerith saw something wrong with Cloud too? So it wasn't just her... and then her cheeks colored at the implication she should have said something. And what would she have said? All she would have done was cast doubt on Cloud when she wasn't even sure he was the one wrong.
But any anger Tifa felt over the issue was pierced by the reality of where they were and where she'd wanted to be. Aerith herself had been laid up in bed by whatever was wrong with Cloud, and he was unconscious. Everyone was worried, even if they wouldn't show it. Would things be different if she'd said there was something off...? Tifa really had wanted to confide in someone all along. She'd wanted to confide in Aerith, she'd thought about it herself so many times, but the occasion had never been right.
No...she'd just never stopped being scared that the moment she admitted doubt in Cloud, she'd lose him again.
Aerith took in her silence and slowly nodded. "It's all right, Tifa. I could have said something too. It's pretty complicated, I guess... no, I know it is."
**
It was late in the night now since they'd gotten back from the temple. Tifa's body was already tired from travel and the scant sleep from the night before. She tried sitting down but the hard floors of the Gongaga Inn borne from poverty in the village made uncomfortable seating, little chance of resting on them. She found herself staring enviously at the beds. It was...those were the only way she could rest and be by Aerith and Cloud. Surely Aerith would not begrudge sharing the bed, right? Even after thinking it, and convincing herself of the truth of that thought, it still took Tifa a whole ten minutes to creep into the bed. She halted when Aerith's dark green eyes opened at her, but before she could apologize she realized there was no confusion or objection in them.
Aerith's hand lighted on her arm and tugged insistently. Tifa had to shift more and more into the bed, lying down beside her friend who curled in to nestle close. The girl's eyes were already closing again, but still Tifa wrapped one protective arm over her.
"It'll be all right," Tifa said quietly. "We're strong. We can get through this." Words she needed someone to say to her, words she knew Aerith needed to hear herself. It had to hurt, hearing the screams of a Planet. The screams of a friend as he was forced to betray. But Aerith was strong, stronger than her, smiling so often when there was little reason to. And she would shield Aerith, as much as possible.
She curled into Aerith, her head resting against the other girl's collarbone, thinking Aerith must be able to feel the lie of false confidence when she had to resist the urge to cling for dear life.
After a peaceful sleep that was too brief, that resistance failed when she felt the other woman pulling out from beneath her grasp; stuck between Tifa and the wall on each side, Aerith had decided instead to scoot downward along the bed and ease herself off its foot, slipping from beneath Tifa's arm. But Tifa's fingers tightened on her before the woman was fully out. "Aerith? Where are you going?"
"For a walk," Aerith said. "How long have I been asleep? It was much too long."
"No it wasn't. It was only..." Tifa was the one muddled by sleep now; she could tell Aerith how long she'd been asleep before being joined on the bed, but she had no idea of any track of time after that--the windowless state of the room definitely didn't help with that. She was so exhausted, her body's clock thoroughly out of sync, that it could have been morning, midnight, afternoon, how would she know?
She'd see outside. They were going on a walk. She pushed herself upright, trying to blink sleep from her eyes, but before she could swing up onto her feet there was a hand at her shoulder.
"Oh, Tifa. What are you doing?"
"I'll go with..."
"You've been watching over us this whole time, haven't you? You look so exhausted I feel like yawning all over again looking at you. Let yourself rest, Tifa."
Sleep did sound good. Really, really good—especially when the mere mention of yawning was suggestive enough for her traitorous mouth to do just that as soon as she opened it. "D...don't...go far. Everyone's been worried about you."
"I'll be back soon."
Tifa nodded, accepting her friend's word; though rather than lay back down, she dragged a bit of the blanket around her shoulders, feeling its extra warmth from body heat, and tracked Aerith blearily as she passed Yuffie with a smile and a blithe remark about needing to stretch her legs. She...did seem okay on her feet. Direct, not disoriented. So her concussion was truly healed then, a blessed reassurance. And she'd be back soon. Tifa wanted to wait for her to come back, but all too soon exhaustion pulled the caretaker back down into a blank, silent sleep.
"Tifa."
The body heat had dissipated. There was cold metal on her shoulder that made her fidget until realizing it was Vincent's metal claw resting on her, and then she jumped again because Vincent was never inclined to disturb others except for watch duty. "Wha, wha--is it my turn?" Were they taking turns here? She hadn't even thought to ask before.
Vincent ignored the question for the sleep-addled nonsense it was, instead crouching down slightly in front of the bed to meet her eyes. "Did Aerith tell you where she would be?"
"Out for a walk…she should be back soon."
His pale face was impassive. "She told Yuffie the same, but her 'walk' has been nearly four hours now."
Oh, God. She hadn't been well after all; she was probably collapsed in a faint somewhere. "We have to look for her—"
"We began searching two hours ago. She's not in the village," the former Turk summed up precisely, and Tifa felt both foolish and more frightened. Of course the others would have realized before now that something was wrong. Aerith could be easily distracted during her ventures, talk with locals turning "fifteen minutes" into "an hour" when the group was resting somewhere, but she was reliable when things got serious. Right now, they were dire. "We've begun sweeping the jungle… but it seemed prudent to check if she had said any more to you."
"No. She said she'd be right back… I don't understand. What could have happened?" The blanket's fabric became security as Tifa clutched it closer to her shoulders. "…We shouldn't have stopped here. Not after the last time. If Shinra took her—do you think she could have been?"
She was worrying now, openly fretting, and anyone else probably would have told her to calm down. At the moment, she was glad Vincent was the way he was, and willing to consider such possibilities. It still only took him a few seconds to shake his head. "There would have been a struggle. No one has seen or heard any evidence of that. I would say, more than likely… she's left of her own accord. Perhaps she finally made out what the Planet was telling her."
"You believe her, don't you, Vincent?"
"I've seen too much to be skeptical of such a claim." He straightened up. "We'll keep looking."
Tifa gritted her teeth, her hands folding up into fists. Damn it, why had her friend lied to her?! She wouldn't have stopped Aerith from going; she would have gone with, and kept an eye on her... someone else could watch Cloud, he was just sleeping, and he'd probably be okay, he hadn't even been injured, concerning as the assault on Aerith was.
**
When Cloud let out a soft moan, Tifa stopped still in her tracks, turning to him. Barret was also sharp at attention--enough to catch Tifa by the shoulder when the moaning continued and she started to approach Cloud, to wake him from the apparent nightmare.
Remembering what had happened when she'd shared a tent with Cloud near this town, she was glad for Barret's mindfulness. It was much too likely that he'd come back swinging, just as he'd gone out. It was already obvious as his jaw clenched and his fingers twitched that he was struggling against the dream.
"No...no! Come back!"
The next moment, Cloud's eyes opened, and they focused narrowly on Barret and Tifa. Clarity and calm were what she'd hoped would grace his expression, but he was wild-eyed and face twisted up, looking horrified.
He was aware, though. It was apparent by just how quickly his face settled again into something more controlled, even if his eyes still betrayed upset.
"You looked like you was havin' a nightmare," Barret told him. "How are you feeling?"
The first look Cloud gave him could easily have been interpreted as 'no shit', flat as it was. But the question seemed to be the final push he needed to get himself fully back to normal, blinking the last remnants of a restless sleep away: "...I seem to be okay now."
"That's good. For a while there I wasn't sure how things were going."
What were they talking like this for? Tifa knew Cloud, she knew Barret knew him--he wasn't going to spill his heart over a nightmare. "Cloud, Aerith is missing."
So they had to go now. He was awake, he was aware, he was probably shook up about what had happened because they all had been but for god's sake, Aerith was missing. She could be killed. They had to find her straight away.
She wasn't expecting Cloud to actually know where Aerith was.
"...City of the Ancients. Aerith is headed there."
That--sounded familiar, though Tifa couldn't quite place it. The answer sure got Barret in a fury, though, and Tifa immediately guessed: it was far, dangeous, or both. Well, it wasn't like the Temple of the Ancients had been easily accessible either.
"By herself?! Why'd she go by herself? Hey, we're going, too."
"Only the Ancients, only Aerith can save us from Meteor..."
"Then we MUST go," Tifa said, growing nervous. Cloud didn't sound like himself. Because really, any time Aerith was in danger or doing something that might be dangerous, he was there to be overly sensible. Sometimes annoyingly so, depending on how he phrased his objection. "What'll we do if something happens to Aerith? If Sephiroth finds her, she's in trouble."
Cloud didn't exactly freeze on the bed; he hadn't been moving in the first place. But movement became even more unlikely in that moment, with his eyes staying fastened toward the ground. "Sephiroth... already knows."
"Hey! Why are you still sitting around?" Barret demanded.
Exactly what Tifa had wanted to say, so she didn't reiterate it, upset as she was. They just needed to get moving. Before Aerith was taken from them. "Let's go, Cloud."
Something inside her crumpled when he did, folding in on himself on the bed and cradling his head like it could break. "No… I'm afraid. If this keeps up, I might go crazy! I'm afraid…"
Afraid he might be the one to hurt her? Was he really that unstable?
**
The point where it gets EVEN MESSIER TO READ because haha writing:
Cloud wanted to be by Tifa, as much as he wanted to be by anyone at all. He still didn't have a good explanation for his actions in the pit of the once Temple and it scared him. He'd wanted Aerith to--tell me who I am--but she hadn't, couldn't. She had to go save the world. That sense of goodness that radiated from her eyes, like they were reflecting something only she could perceive in him, quickly vanished. It had felt like there was no way he could do anything for her.
Tifa and Barret had quickly raged at him, promises of knocks upside the head and quiet pleas that they must go save Aerith getting him back up on his feet, and once there... yeah, he was annoyed with himself too. He had been a SOLDIER. He wasn't going to fail her by doing nothing.
Still...it...scared him, the moment the world had slipped out of focus and he had practically been outside his body, watching himself hand over the materia. He'd screamed at himself, tried to hold his own body back, but in the end nothing had worked; the materia had been handed over to Sephiroth.
And then... then...
He'd beaten Aerith. Tifa had told him, with a pinched, unhappy face, that that was the reason he now had jagged claw marks over the back of his left shoulder: he'd been beating Aerith, and after Nanaki had failed to get any response by yelling at him the feline had pounced on him to bring him to the ground.
Cloud barely remembered any yelling under the heavy tinnitus ringing not in his ears but in his head; but Tifa was honest. So the only thing to do had been thank Nanaki--quickly, without fuss, but it needed to be said.
'You did the right thing. If I'm a threat, take me out.'
Nanaki's actions, Barret's words...yes, he knew he could trust in his party if he went wild. But...
But he wasn't really sure...if a second time would find him coming back to normal. It felt like he was unraveling, and badly. It scared him. Like he was weaving offstep--he just didn't want to go crazy like that again.
So...so he was gravitating to Tifa. Even though she was looking away from him. It's because he's letting down her best friend. He understands that, so he's not angry, but he's just... something inside him is aching. He needed Aerith to tell him who he was, but she wouldn't. And Tifa's always, always had the answers, always been willing to take care of people, so maybe she would--if he could just get her to look at him.
What he does is sit down on the bed at the same moment she does. Their backs bump into each other and she sucks a breath in, jerking back up. "Cloud--"
Barret is giving him a look that promises so much shit if he even breathes on her wrong, but the man soon looks away. Cloud's not sure if it's because Barret knows him better than that now, or if he knows Tifa would kick his ass herself if it needed beating, or if his face is saying too much about how he feels.
It'd be just perfect if his face is saying too much when he can't even get his mouth to work.
"I wanted to talk to you," he murmurs to Tifa.
**
((...Also that is like three different attempts at that scene spliced together just now. So pretty much everything I've done with this fic lately was just "Oh, I think I have an idea. No, I don't know how to make the idea work. Let's try this. Now I'm frustrated. Let's try something else. LET'S GO BACK TO THIS...))
**
Her fingers twitched before clasping around cloud's bicep. "Cloud."
He looked at her with confusion. She knew her request was one that would throw him for a loop.
"Let me go up to Aerith first," she whispered. Because she could protect Aerith too, because she wanted to. She wanted to protect Cloud.
He nodded, though with uncertainty in his eyes, and she strode toward the first pillar and took a short leap up to it. She wondered if originally they'd been closer, or had more pillars in between--they weren't level but slightly crooked beneath her feet, leading to the guess that they'd been disturbed at one point.
And yet, still, she passed with little enough noise. Aerith did not stir one bit, which made Tifa grit her teeth. They had been so worried about her... shouldn't she at least acknowledge them? But the woman continued to keep her head bowed, hands clasped.
...Perhaps, then, she was communicating to someone. Probably the Planet. After sharing dreams with Cloud, Aerith wouldn't exactly be pulling a surprise by communicating to the Planet by prayer. So this was what she'd left them behind for.
A cut-off sound pulled her attention back for just a moment. Cloud had started toward the pillar, only for Barret to immediately grab his shoulder. He wanted to see Aerith, so it shouldn't have been a surprise to anyone...but it seemed to be a surprise to himself. His eyes were a touch wide, mouth working fruitlessly for a second before he closed it and shook his head.
Tifa wasn't sure if she wanted to know, not when they were so close to having Aerith back, so she crossed the final pillar into the threshold of the altar.
Aerith was still in prayer. Tifa wanted to shake her out of it and one hand rose to do that, but she just--couldn't. Aerith had come here to pray, so she needed to do that, obviously. She was the one saving the world, and just watching her... Tifa wasn't sure if it was the angle of her brow or the curve of her shoulders in prayer, but somehow she could see Aerith was pouring her whole heart into that.
Finally, green eyes opened, and Aerith immediately smiled at Tifa. It was the warmth of that gesture and the sure sign of hope behind it--Aerith was done praying and she was happy, it must mean something good--that let the tension ease out of the brawler's muscles, even as she caught herself and resolved that she wanted to tell the other woman how she felt about that little vanishing trick back in Gongaga.
"Aerith, we were so worried--"
In the glass surrounding them, there was a single flicker: a shadow, where there should only have been light.
It was enough for Tifa to shove Aerith back. And that was enough to place her in the path of a blade she recognized all too well when it sliced through her stomach from front to back.
Masamune. Seeing it embedded into her flesh once again felt unreal, but she was already struggling to pull in breath. Not a dream then, not a nightmare.
This...this was something she might never wake up from.
IN CONCLUSION: I think I am pretty much going about this chapter all wrong and am just now contemplating doing the final chapter as a sort of round of sleeping scenes...especially since I for some reason want to write about Aerith in the Sleeping Forest on her own. Even though no one else is with her \o_o/ I have pretty much hit the wall for a while now on knowing what I want to do with this.
Kind of debating just posting the first chapter as its own standalone and leaving the rest, well, alone. I like the idea of the story, it's the telling I can't figure out.
To start off with, HERE IS A BIT I CAN ACTUALLY CONSIDER COMPLETE even if I don't know it'll appear in the final draft of the story. (In fact it almost seems like with a bit of editing it could probably be its own thing as Tifa introspection.)
Cloud tells her, Aerith sent him a dream. That's how he knew she's headed for the City of the Ancients.
It doesn't hurt. Not harshly. The thought just sits there in Tifa's mind, lacking the good grace to know it's long overstayed its welcome.
A dream of peace and a promise. It sounds like something from a fairy tale, a more ethereal romance. It tempts a daydreamer to believe in soulmates—which, to be honest, Tifa never really has before. Cloud was her sweetheart always, her soulmate never. There is a connection, an understanding implied in 'soulmates' that she has never been able to pretend to with the blond, whose blue eyes hide thoughts she can't fathom. Even when they were both kids, he was hard to understand. She remembers that. It's getting harder to remember anything else about their friendship now.
If she had been made to claim anyone on this Planet as her soulmate...she thinks she would have said Aerith, the beautiful woman with hopeful green eyes. They had clicked so quickly, always breaking off from the others to do something together or teaming up when someone stubborn needed convincing, often without words. But--
But Aerith sent Cloud the dream. And for Tifa, there had only been a lie and excuse about why and where she was going out. "Stretching my legs!" Right. Aerith was stretching her legs across two continents.
Tifa understands well enough why she was lied to. Oh, she disagrees with it, but she understands. She would have stopped Aerith, she would have insisted on coming along, and even in the dream (as Cloud says, since she didn't have it) her friend didn't want to be followed. Rationally, it makes sense why Aerith carried things out the way she did, wanting what she did, even if Tifa Lockhart chafes at being kept away. So it doesn't hurt, not harshly.
But it still stings. That she was lied to. That Cloud got a proper explanation in their dream. Heh, "their" dream. If two people can share a dream, they really are connected, aren't they? In a bond that space and distance itself can't stretch out to fray.
Tifa had already known that night in Gold Saucer that she was going to get left behind. Once Aerith had made up her mind to pursue Cloud... Tifa hadn't even been able to choose then, or now, which one she loved more, which one she should confess to, and they'd been drawing ever steadily closer to each other. But to think, she'd been worried about something as ordinary as them kissing, when as it just so happened Aerith could touch Cloud's soul halfway around the world.
Had she ever stood a chance in this little love triangle?
So that's that. And then, backtracking a bit, here is the odds and ends and I swear I just cannot write anything long.
Aerith slept. Tifa didn't, keeping watch over her when she wasn't fretting over Cloud. He was dead to the world; wouldn't wake. But then, it was a near unanimous sentiment to let him take his time on that account. On the other hand Aerith needed to be woken up, every couple of hours, to make sure the concussion wasn't affecting her—it was never easy to tell with those if restorative materia had fully done the job. The smallness of Gongaga's inn meant a short patrol for Tifa as she paced between the two beds opposite each other in the tiny circular room, trying to count down the time and weighing counter impulses between letting Aerith recover from her exhaustion and wanting to make sure she would still wake, as well as to see if she might be able to explain any more of just what had happened in the pit that had been the Temple's foundation. One or two of the other members of their party were always in the inn as well, but the whole nine-man team was simply too big for the establishment, and after some discussion (and arguing, and uncertain looks that had hurt with their aim), they were mostly split up throughout the town. Gathering supplies and trying to figure out their next move, ostensibly.
Playing a waiting game as they wondered if the world might really come to an end.
The first time Aerith was carefully shook awake, she'd immediately spoken Cloud's name as a question, turning her head sharply to try catching sight of him. When she spotted him, the relieved sigh that passed her lips almost hurt to hear. "He's here, yeah," Tifa said needlessly. "We're back in Gongaga."
"He hasn't woken up?"
"No." The concern in Aerith's faint voice was heartening and frustrating all at once. If she was worried for Cloud even now, did she really not blame him? Tifa was glad for that, but she wanted to know why, so everyone could be reassured. …So she could be okay with the fact that Aerith was still bruised and disheveled from an assault that could have killed her, and already forgiving. "Aerith, do you think you can stay awake for a little while? We still don't know what happened down there…what happened to you and Cloud. And the Black Materia is…"
Tifa was already bracing herself as her friend's face grew dark and pinched, upset. The flower girl broke her gaze from their still-sleeping friend to answer: "Sephiroth has it."
A curse floated from the doorway; of course Cid was listening. Vincent surely was too, if more controlled in his reactions. After she'd carried Aerith out of the pit, Barret after her hauling Cloud like a sack of potatoes, Nanaki and Cait Sith had called up that they couldn't find the Black Materia in the pit. Tifa and Barret had each done a quick check of their unconscious passengers, but the materia seemed to have vanished. Immediately the gunman had yelled down demanding if this wasn't another fast one being pulled by Shinra, but Cait Sith was adamant that he'd done nothing fishy in the few minutes he'd been down in the pit—as though Nanaki's sharp eyes and hearing wouldn't have caught him out; they could check him too if they wanted! And it was testament to the tension running through the group that even with everyone aware of how unlikely the possibility was, Vincent actually did check the robot, just to put the nail in that coffin and lay it to rest. The narrow window of circumstance left a short list of suspects, and Sephiroth's name had topped it as the group remembered his strange movements, how he could have slipped past even the most careful watch. Tifa's heart still knotted like a noose to hear it confirmed.
"Then he's going to summon Meteor." And Nanaki's explanation of Sephiroth's plan for that particular spell had been chilling: if there was any truth in it, they were all in big trouble. If it was all true… the world really could come to an end.
"We still have time. He needs the Promised Land…" Aerith drifted off to silence, staring over Tifa's shoulder at what the fighter knew was just the brick wall of the hut; the room's entrance was on her other side.
"Aerith?"
Now she was looking at the door. And then the injured woman was trying to push herself off the bed. Even before her bruises made her stop short with a wince, Tifa was up on her feet, holding one hand out to stop her friend.
"No way. You need to rest."
"But, the Planet—"
"You said we still have time, right? So take a rest. You could tell me what it's saying." Not that Tifa really knew what to make of talking to the Planet; the only spirits she'd ever worked with were the alcoholic kind. But it was evident Aerith had talked to something in the temple…and even if she was the only who could hear it, that didn't mean others couldn't help her do whatever was needed, right?
There was so much tension knotted up in the brawler's limbs. She would have raced out and done just about anything, anything the Planet could ask, if it would fix this situation. If it would guarantee Cloud's eyes opening with clarity and calm, if it would mean Aerith could rest, if it would make everyone safe.
"I… I don't know. It's not clear," the Ancient admitted falteringly, sinking the hope of such a simple fix.
Tifa let out a slow breath. "Then we can't do anything yet. We need some sort of plan."
She had the strength to be firm, especially when the other woman's eyes were still murky with exhaustion; if Aerith wouldn't worry about herself, someone needed to. In the end the woman agreed to lie back down, 'for a little bit', and almost immediately slipped back into sleep. Tifa adjusted the pillow under the woman's head and fretted with the edges of her blanket, as her hands lacked anything better to do.
Cid summed up the situation: "Well, fuck!"
Cloud continued to sleep, and Tifa wondered, as she seemed to have countless times since finding him, what exactly was on his mind. Had he fully realized the trouble they were now in? Was that why had he snapped?
There still wasn't anything they could do, and it was starting to drive her mad.
Hours passed before Aerith was woken up again. The exhaustion in her eyes had turned into sadness. "Everyone's hurting."
That hit a little too close to home with how tense the group was, and Tifa shook her head. "What do you mean?"
"…Screaming…"
Tifa pursed her lips, sitting down by the side of the bed. Obviously her friend hadn't gotten the hoped-for restful sleep. "...Nanaki never heard Cloud scream."
"Ah?" Aerith's eyes flicked up to the ceiling without focusing on it. "...Oh." Her hands clasped gently under her chest, beginning to rise and fall with her breath. She closed her eyes for just a few seconds, and by the time Tifa recognized she might be praying--it was a gesture seen so rarely nowadays--her eyes were already open again. "No. I suppose he wouldn't have."
"I don't get it. What does that even mean? You were just hearing the Planet? But you sounded so sure he was hurt," Tifa blurted out, and almost winced at her pleading. But Aerith probably understood. She was concerned for Cloud too.
"I know what Cloud sounds like," Aerith said. Her voice was firm. "I've been listening, and watching, for him. For a while now. But I didn't know what to make of it."
Paying attention to Cloud? Tifa wasn't surprised, not after that night at the Gold Saucer, but that sting of petty jealousy was so slight at the moment. "Didn't know what to make of it?"
The other woman actually looked timid for a split-second, like she wanted to swallow back the very words she was clearly mulling over. "I thought... you would have said if something was really wrong with Cloud. You know him best of all of us."
For a moment, Tifa didn't react at all, her face slack at the unexpected statement. Aerith saw something wrong with Cloud too? So it wasn't just her... and then her cheeks colored at the implication she should have said something. And what would she have said? All she would have done was cast doubt on Cloud when she wasn't even sure he was the one wrong.
But any anger Tifa felt over the issue was pierced by the reality of where they were and where she'd wanted to be. Aerith herself had been laid up in bed by whatever was wrong with Cloud, and he was unconscious. Everyone was worried, even if they wouldn't show it. Would things be different if she'd said there was something off...? Tifa really had wanted to confide in someone all along. She'd wanted to confide in Aerith, she'd thought about it herself so many times, but the occasion had never been right.
No...she'd just never stopped being scared that the moment she admitted doubt in Cloud, she'd lose him again.
Aerith took in her silence and slowly nodded. "It's all right, Tifa. I could have said something too. It's pretty complicated, I guess... no, I know it is."
**
It was late in the night now since they'd gotten back from the temple. Tifa's body was already tired from travel and the scant sleep from the night before. She tried sitting down but the hard floors of the Gongaga Inn borne from poverty in the village made uncomfortable seating, little chance of resting on them. She found herself staring enviously at the beds. It was...those were the only way she could rest and be by Aerith and Cloud. Surely Aerith would not begrudge sharing the bed, right? Even after thinking it, and convincing herself of the truth of that thought, it still took Tifa a whole ten minutes to creep into the bed. She halted when Aerith's dark green eyes opened at her, but before she could apologize she realized there was no confusion or objection in them.
Aerith's hand lighted on her arm and tugged insistently. Tifa had to shift more and more into the bed, lying down beside her friend who curled in to nestle close. The girl's eyes were already closing again, but still Tifa wrapped one protective arm over her.
"It'll be all right," Tifa said quietly. "We're strong. We can get through this." Words she needed someone to say to her, words she knew Aerith needed to hear herself. It had to hurt, hearing the screams of a Planet. The screams of a friend as he was forced to betray. But Aerith was strong, stronger than her, smiling so often when there was little reason to. And she would shield Aerith, as much as possible.
She curled into Aerith, her head resting against the other girl's collarbone, thinking Aerith must be able to feel the lie of false confidence when she had to resist the urge to cling for dear life.
After a peaceful sleep that was too brief, that resistance failed when she felt the other woman pulling out from beneath her grasp; stuck between Tifa and the wall on each side, Aerith had decided instead to scoot downward along the bed and ease herself off its foot, slipping from beneath Tifa's arm. But Tifa's fingers tightened on her before the woman was fully out. "Aerith? Where are you going?"
"For a walk," Aerith said. "How long have I been asleep? It was much too long."
"No it wasn't. It was only..." Tifa was the one muddled by sleep now; she could tell Aerith how long she'd been asleep before being joined on the bed, but she had no idea of any track of time after that--the windowless state of the room definitely didn't help with that. She was so exhausted, her body's clock thoroughly out of sync, that it could have been morning, midnight, afternoon, how would she know?
She'd see outside. They were going on a walk. She pushed herself upright, trying to blink sleep from her eyes, but before she could swing up onto her feet there was a hand at her shoulder.
"Oh, Tifa. What are you doing?"
"I'll go with..."
"You've been watching over us this whole time, haven't you? You look so exhausted I feel like yawning all over again looking at you. Let yourself rest, Tifa."
Sleep did sound good. Really, really good—especially when the mere mention of yawning was suggestive enough for her traitorous mouth to do just that as soon as she opened it. "D...don't...go far. Everyone's been worried about you."
"I'll be back soon."
Tifa nodded, accepting her friend's word; though rather than lay back down, she dragged a bit of the blanket around her shoulders, feeling its extra warmth from body heat, and tracked Aerith blearily as she passed Yuffie with a smile and a blithe remark about needing to stretch her legs. She...did seem okay on her feet. Direct, not disoriented. So her concussion was truly healed then, a blessed reassurance. And she'd be back soon. Tifa wanted to wait for her to come back, but all too soon exhaustion pulled the caretaker back down into a blank, silent sleep.
"Tifa."
The body heat had dissipated. There was cold metal on her shoulder that made her fidget until realizing it was Vincent's metal claw resting on her, and then she jumped again because Vincent was never inclined to disturb others except for watch duty. "Wha, wha--is it my turn?" Were they taking turns here? She hadn't even thought to ask before.
Vincent ignored the question for the sleep-addled nonsense it was, instead crouching down slightly in front of the bed to meet her eyes. "Did Aerith tell you where she would be?"
"Out for a walk…she should be back soon."
His pale face was impassive. "She told Yuffie the same, but her 'walk' has been nearly four hours now."
Oh, God. She hadn't been well after all; she was probably collapsed in a faint somewhere. "We have to look for her—"
"We began searching two hours ago. She's not in the village," the former Turk summed up precisely, and Tifa felt both foolish and more frightened. Of course the others would have realized before now that something was wrong. Aerith could be easily distracted during her ventures, talk with locals turning "fifteen minutes" into "an hour" when the group was resting somewhere, but she was reliable when things got serious. Right now, they were dire. "We've begun sweeping the jungle… but it seemed prudent to check if she had said any more to you."
"No. She said she'd be right back… I don't understand. What could have happened?" The blanket's fabric became security as Tifa clutched it closer to her shoulders. "…We shouldn't have stopped here. Not after the last time. If Shinra took her—do you think she could have been?"
She was worrying now, openly fretting, and anyone else probably would have told her to calm down. At the moment, she was glad Vincent was the way he was, and willing to consider such possibilities. It still only took him a few seconds to shake his head. "There would have been a struggle. No one has seen or heard any evidence of that. I would say, more than likely… she's left of her own accord. Perhaps she finally made out what the Planet was telling her."
"You believe her, don't you, Vincent?"
"I've seen too much to be skeptical of such a claim." He straightened up. "We'll keep looking."
Tifa gritted her teeth, her hands folding up into fists. Damn it, why had her friend lied to her?! She wouldn't have stopped Aerith from going; she would have gone with, and kept an eye on her... someone else could watch Cloud, he was just sleeping, and he'd probably be okay, he hadn't even been injured, concerning as the assault on Aerith was.
**
When Cloud let out a soft moan, Tifa stopped still in her tracks, turning to him. Barret was also sharp at attention--enough to catch Tifa by the shoulder when the moaning continued and she started to approach Cloud, to wake him from the apparent nightmare.
Remembering what had happened when she'd shared a tent with Cloud near this town, she was glad for Barret's mindfulness. It was much too likely that he'd come back swinging, just as he'd gone out. It was already obvious as his jaw clenched and his fingers twitched that he was struggling against the dream.
"No...no! Come back!"
The next moment, Cloud's eyes opened, and they focused narrowly on Barret and Tifa. Clarity and calm were what she'd hoped would grace his expression, but he was wild-eyed and face twisted up, looking horrified.
He was aware, though. It was apparent by just how quickly his face settled again into something more controlled, even if his eyes still betrayed upset.
"You looked like you was havin' a nightmare," Barret told him. "How are you feeling?"
The first look Cloud gave him could easily have been interpreted as 'no shit', flat as it was. But the question seemed to be the final push he needed to get himself fully back to normal, blinking the last remnants of a restless sleep away: "...I seem to be okay now."
"That's good. For a while there I wasn't sure how things were going."
What were they talking like this for? Tifa knew Cloud, she knew Barret knew him--he wasn't going to spill his heart over a nightmare. "Cloud, Aerith is missing."
So they had to go now. He was awake, he was aware, he was probably shook up about what had happened because they all had been but for god's sake, Aerith was missing. She could be killed. They had to find her straight away.
She wasn't expecting Cloud to actually know where Aerith was.
"...City of the Ancients. Aerith is headed there."
That--sounded familiar, though Tifa couldn't quite place it. The answer sure got Barret in a fury, though, and Tifa immediately guessed: it was far, dangeous, or both. Well, it wasn't like the Temple of the Ancients had been easily accessible either.
"By herself?! Why'd she go by herself? Hey, we're going, too."
"Only the Ancients, only Aerith can save us from Meteor..."
"Then we MUST go," Tifa said, growing nervous. Cloud didn't sound like himself. Because really, any time Aerith was in danger or doing something that might be dangerous, he was there to be overly sensible. Sometimes annoyingly so, depending on how he phrased his objection. "What'll we do if something happens to Aerith? If Sephiroth finds her, she's in trouble."
Cloud didn't exactly freeze on the bed; he hadn't been moving in the first place. But movement became even more unlikely in that moment, with his eyes staying fastened toward the ground. "Sephiroth... already knows."
"Hey! Why are you still sitting around?" Barret demanded.
Exactly what Tifa had wanted to say, so she didn't reiterate it, upset as she was. They just needed to get moving. Before Aerith was taken from them. "Let's go, Cloud."
Something inside her crumpled when he did, folding in on himself on the bed and cradling his head like it could break. "No… I'm afraid. If this keeps up, I might go crazy! I'm afraid…"
Afraid he might be the one to hurt her? Was he really that unstable?
**
The point where it gets EVEN MESSIER TO READ because haha writing:
Cloud wanted to be by Tifa, as much as he wanted to be by anyone at all. He still didn't have a good explanation for his actions in the pit of the once Temple and it scared him. He'd wanted Aerith to--tell me who I am--but she hadn't, couldn't. She had to go save the world. That sense of goodness that radiated from her eyes, like they were reflecting something only she could perceive in him, quickly vanished. It had felt like there was no way he could do anything for her.
Tifa and Barret had quickly raged at him, promises of knocks upside the head and quiet pleas that they must go save Aerith getting him back up on his feet, and once there... yeah, he was annoyed with himself too. He had been a SOLDIER. He wasn't going to fail her by doing nothing.
Still...it...scared him, the moment the world had slipped out of focus and he had practically been outside his body, watching himself hand over the materia. He'd screamed at himself, tried to hold his own body back, but in the end nothing had worked; the materia had been handed over to Sephiroth.
And then... then...
He'd beaten Aerith. Tifa had told him, with a pinched, unhappy face, that that was the reason he now had jagged claw marks over the back of his left shoulder: he'd been beating Aerith, and after Nanaki had failed to get any response by yelling at him the feline had pounced on him to bring him to the ground.
Cloud barely remembered any yelling under the heavy tinnitus ringing not in his ears but in his head; but Tifa was honest. So the only thing to do had been thank Nanaki--quickly, without fuss, but it needed to be said.
'You did the right thing. If I'm a threat, take me out.'
Nanaki's actions, Barret's words...yes, he knew he could trust in his party if he went wild. But...
But he wasn't really sure...if a second time would find him coming back to normal. It felt like he was unraveling, and badly. It scared him. Like he was weaving offstep--he just didn't want to go crazy like that again.
So...so he was gravitating to Tifa. Even though she was looking away from him. It's because he's letting down her best friend. He understands that, so he's not angry, but he's just... something inside him is aching. He needed Aerith to tell him who he was, but she wouldn't. And Tifa's always, always had the answers, always been willing to take care of people, so maybe she would--if he could just get her to look at him.
What he does is sit down on the bed at the same moment she does. Their backs bump into each other and she sucks a breath in, jerking back up. "Cloud--"
Barret is giving him a look that promises so much shit if he even breathes on her wrong, but the man soon looks away. Cloud's not sure if it's because Barret knows him better than that now, or if he knows Tifa would kick his ass herself if it needed beating, or if his face is saying too much about how he feels.
It'd be just perfect if his face is saying too much when he can't even get his mouth to work.
"I wanted to talk to you," he murmurs to Tifa.
**
((...Also that is like three different attempts at that scene spliced together just now. So pretty much everything I've done with this fic lately was just "Oh, I think I have an idea. No, I don't know how to make the idea work. Let's try this. Now I'm frustrated. Let's try something else. LET'S GO BACK TO THIS...))
**
Her fingers twitched before clasping around cloud's bicep. "Cloud."
He looked at her with confusion. She knew her request was one that would throw him for a loop.
"Let me go up to Aerith first," she whispered. Because she could protect Aerith too, because she wanted to. She wanted to protect Cloud.
He nodded, though with uncertainty in his eyes, and she strode toward the first pillar and took a short leap up to it. She wondered if originally they'd been closer, or had more pillars in between--they weren't level but slightly crooked beneath her feet, leading to the guess that they'd been disturbed at one point.
And yet, still, she passed with little enough noise. Aerith did not stir one bit, which made Tifa grit her teeth. They had been so worried about her... shouldn't she at least acknowledge them? But the woman continued to keep her head bowed, hands clasped.
...Perhaps, then, she was communicating to someone. Probably the Planet. After sharing dreams with Cloud, Aerith wouldn't exactly be pulling a surprise by communicating to the Planet by prayer. So this was what she'd left them behind for.
A cut-off sound pulled her attention back for just a moment. Cloud had started toward the pillar, only for Barret to immediately grab his shoulder. He wanted to see Aerith, so it shouldn't have been a surprise to anyone...but it seemed to be a surprise to himself. His eyes were a touch wide, mouth working fruitlessly for a second before he closed it and shook his head.
Tifa wasn't sure if she wanted to know, not when they were so close to having Aerith back, so she crossed the final pillar into the threshold of the altar.
Aerith was still in prayer. Tifa wanted to shake her out of it and one hand rose to do that, but she just--couldn't. Aerith had come here to pray, so she needed to do that, obviously. She was the one saving the world, and just watching her... Tifa wasn't sure if it was the angle of her brow or the curve of her shoulders in prayer, but somehow she could see Aerith was pouring her whole heart into that.
Finally, green eyes opened, and Aerith immediately smiled at Tifa. It was the warmth of that gesture and the sure sign of hope behind it--Aerith was done praying and she was happy, it must mean something good--that let the tension ease out of the brawler's muscles, even as she caught herself and resolved that she wanted to tell the other woman how she felt about that little vanishing trick back in Gongaga.
"Aerith, we were so worried--"
In the glass surrounding them, there was a single flicker: a shadow, where there should only have been light.
It was enough for Tifa to shove Aerith back. And that was enough to place her in the path of a blade she recognized all too well when it sliced through her stomach from front to back.
Masamune. Seeing it embedded into her flesh once again felt unreal, but she was already struggling to pull in breath. Not a dream then, not a nightmare.
This...this was something she might never wake up from.
IN CONCLUSION: I think I am pretty much going about this chapter all wrong and am just now contemplating doing the final chapter as a sort of round of sleeping scenes...especially since I for some reason want to write about Aerith in the Sleeping Forest on her own. Even though no one else is with her \o_o/ I have pretty much hit the wall for a while now on knowing what I want to do with this.
Re: actual comment response
Date: 2013-09-06 08:40 pm (UTC)Hooray for tumblr fixing itself! Possibly slightly less for for running across SA's post. That said, your response was really, really good - and people do keep overlooking how young Marlene is and how she can't be reading that deeply into actions. And yeah, taking that quote to mean they're never good friends/never will be good friends (the other really iffy thing about some LTD discussions; if it's not true at point x, it never can be true! Often used against Tifa for Nibelheim childhood. Sigh) is really frustrating - and the out of context line throwing is silly. And I still find SA's attitudes to just court frustration; the end of her post saying "I'm not going to discuss this/I don't want to discuss this" just makes her position sound weak; if she's not going to even debate it it doesn't exactly sound like terribly good evidence. This is also from someone who was prepared to chuck all non-game sources out a while back (but as soon as a useful quote comes up?)... And as usual I want to ask the fandom at large; do we have to have a single anser/single pairing? The game had flexibility in attitudes and scenes, let's carry on with its open to interpretation; the Compilation is less ambiguous if you want clarification.
Awww *imagining the scene with Aeris teasing over the corniness/calling for Cloud to come back as she really does like them despite that...*
I can see Cloud still getting Geostigma (especially as with AC being the work to introduce the disease, they could make it work however they want), but I think there'd be a huge difference in that Tifa would actually know he has it. Likewise I don't think him finding and taking in Denzel conflicts with anything, though there might be a minor change in that Tifa knows all along he was found at the church (heck, maybe she was there for the finding). But it'd just make a huge, huge difference in the emotional story and tone of the movie.
Ah, true that Denzel doesn't conflict with anything, I was just not sure if Cloud would be over by the church like that, though I do like the idea that he is with Tifa and this is a regular visit to look after the plants and flowers there - and yeah that does change things as there's no need to be shy or evasive about where he did find Denzel. And ack! Yeah I was thinking of Geostigma remaining exactly the same rather then its nature and effects necessarily altering due to Cloud's more consistent character and that he doesn't have to allow himself to be vulnerable in the same way (which makes Geostigma much nastier as likely then it could strike completely healthy individuals without warning). Following it through, Cloud isn't going to run off to Aeris's church anymore, and neither would he need persuading to pursue the remnants. Almost everything from the Bahamut fight onwards could likely stay the same I think...
Oh, definitely wish they'd been more careful with the Compilation - and it does just feel odd how they weren't; I could kind of understand if a new group of people were responsible, but when its a lot of the same staff... Ah, interesting on BC still being canon - and yeah that does make the Compilation canon screwy as even if we are to accept as some do that any points where CC and VII clash we're supposed to take CC as correct due to it being more recent, what do we do with BC clashes versus CC or VII? Canon for the Compilation is questionable!
Oh! Thank you, that's really interesting on Ultima Weapon - completely failed to make that connection back to VI (though I remember the blade going translucent in VII/forever keeping Cloud's health topped up). And I do like your spirit-energy ideas for various things like the more personal based limit breaks.
Deneh has bugged me ever since I heard she existed; I do understand why they felt the need to introduce her to the series at all - given Nanaki's cubs at the end of VII, but I've never seen a compelling reason why she had to be introduced in BC; there was no reason she couldn't have come in with DoC, or even (and I realise this would have been more satisfying) if Case of Nanaki had been about him finding her in his travels, making contact and starting to undo notions she has about human-kind (assuming she has been hunted/otherwise persued as a rare beast - and she also thought she was the only one of her kind left). It just feels like a weird lack of attention; bring her in after VII has been concluded to not contradict it/Nanaki could still have been captured in BC if depicting this was that important, just not bringing Deneh into it. *throws up hands*
Ah - that doesn't sound terribly good for Barret's episode (Barret meeting Shalua wouldn't have been so bad really). Well, I've come this far, I'll find that one and watch it (I am happier jumping around in the videos I found, as watching it straight through really was wearying just for the first mission).
Apologies! The whole Tifa stopping by to look after the plants was something random I came up with while typing; and indeed there's no basis anywhere. It just felt a nice idea for Tifa to have taken the time out when she did have a moment to remember her friend again. And I think it might have made the church visit in AC not feel... convenient? Like it was something they did on a semi-regular basis. As it is, the surprise that Cloudn is living there feels odd as he has already admitted to spending more time there... Haha! Yeah, child-care is still lousy in Edge with leaving Denzel alone. It kind of feels a bit like Denzel wasn't included when some of the early scenes were blocked out; so Tifa and Marlene going to the church was fine as they were the only ones living in the Seventh Heaven. Then they added Denzel in/failed to account for him/figured that if Marlene can run a bar at 4, then Denzel must be fine to be terminally ill on his own. Um.
...you realise I will never be able to watch that moment in AC/C again without now adding that thought into proceedings? It is really crazy on relfection. Well, at first its not so bad as they're simply trying to get Cloud up to Bahamut... but then when it starts Megaflare and the last few throws don't appear to worry about flinging Cloud straight into said fireball. I'm wondering now about Cloud's thoughts jsut as he collides with the fireball/manages to not get instantly vaporised...
Re: actual comment response
Date: 2013-09-08 03:14 pm (UTC)I'm kind of annoyed now that people discuss her posts like "CLERITHS, STOP" when she's done this so many times, and so long, it's kind of obvious it's...her own niche.
Or pay attention that other Cleriths didn't approve of the post, but I can't tell when that other post got started so ehAwww *imagining the scene with Aeris teasing over the corniness/calling for Cloud to come back as she really does like them despite that...*
lmfao sometimes Aerith's humor goes awry for even her.
Honestly, I don't think I ever imagined the church being completely abandoned post-game, it always seemed like some of AVALANCHE and especially Cloud might visit it as a place Aerith loved... if it survived. Because hahah OGC's ending makes that a bit questionable. But yeah, some things like Geostigma and the story of exactly how Denzel was found would definitely change. And YES, Dirge/Case of Nanaki would have been much better introductions for Deneh (it's like they wanted to have the story of Nanaki's mate at the first possibility and didn't realize...yeah, that totally causes a contradiction with things said in the original game...)
Jumping around videos always works :|b especially for something episodic like Before Crisis.
And yeah, the church visit is really plot convenience in the compilation as things stand; Case of Tifa made it sound like she hasn't been going, Case of Tifa makes it unlikely she went there to find Cloud (as she brings Marlene with, but in Case of Tifa her attitude is to leave the children out of difficulties between her and Cloud--which is how she's looking at the separation, both by her reaction in Case of Tifa and Nomura's comment about her being like a woman left behind by a man), they never do state why they decided to go check it out so it's like...o...kay. I am now imagining Aerith realizing what Cloud is doing and getting kind of "NO WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT" and then she keeps prompting Tifa "Tifa Cloud is being a dummy at the church. My church. Go to the church. You, Cloud, church I promise I will not peek if you two fight and have a sexy make-up. Oh wait you two aren't doing that. Why aren't you doing that? ...right, getting distracted. Church! church church church gooooooooooo." "...? Marlene, would you like to come see a special place with me?"
[Aerith hi-fives Zack in the Lifestream]
Honestly I think if Geostigma still worked to affect people's mindsets (so no matter how IC Cloud was, once it spreads through his body enough he's like /DESPAIR CENTRAL and ends up leaving much the same way again) I would want Tifa to have been worried about him at first because there MUST be something wrong, and then she hears from customers he's okay so then she's got like .2 seconds of relief, and then 20 minutes of "he doesn't love me" max before it kicks in that holy crap he left Marlene too he left Denzel and Denzel is dying and looks up to him, one civil-but-oh-so-very terse angry mama bear voicemail to Cloud's phone later she is going about her business with occasional moments of self-pity, moments of worrying about how the kids are being affected by this, quite a few stray thoughts of punching Cloud, etc. When Cloud doesn't call back in a day Tifa calls Barret and tells him no buts he needs to watch the kids while she goes chocobo-hunting. Now where might Cloud go...
And then she finds the stuff at the church and oh, he has Geostigma, and that answers a few questions, but she still camps out the place because no. nooooooo this was not cool Cloud, and this is not continuing.
...So it'd be somewhat same, somewhat different (Tifa might still fight with Loz, hell, the kids could still be kidnapped but it'd work out differently with Barret watching them) but...yeah AC is just sort of odd in how the premise works, how Cloud and Tifa are both set up as taking care of the children but they really only seem to do that in the big, dramatic ways (they can fight villains for them, but Tifa won't confront Cloud about what to all perception, given everything she knows, is crappy treatment of both her and the children). And then it utterly tore down Barret's father role toward Marlene, he still cares about her but being the one to care FOR her? NOPE
So it's kind of ironic the movie is called 'Advent Children'.
Haha, the Bahamut toss really is pretty crazy by the end o it.
Re: actual comment response
Date: 2013-09-08 09:54 pm (UTC)I saw your frustrations on tumblr; and yeah I would agree - she keeps painting all the Cloti shippers as a collective group and there's so many objections to that, but the Cleriths keeping getting tarred with the same brush when either ou retort to a really weirdly made point, or we just stay well away from the posts/don't like or reblog any of it. And yes; it was very, very obvious they were discussing SA rather than anyone else. So; no more LTD in this message! Why are we even surprised by what anyone does anymore? There's the usual increasingly bizarre in-game interpretations/quote throwing/rejection of opposing ships... It's frustrating but nothing anyone says (Short of Nomura himself - and to some, even then) is going to resolve it remotely. So hopefully those prompts are a good distraction.
Thinking in the shower this morning (...yeah this is increasingly a good place to muse on things), I was revisting the idea of the alternate view of CC we discussed ages ago where Zack was enlisted by the Turks to try to tempt Aeris back to Shinra another way - and basiclly AU CC around that idea and alter Genesis and Angeal and fix loads of other niggles. I was then wondering about making it match to the sex fic (which! I have a first idea for a title for: Sefure - being the contraction of Sex Friend as rendered in Katakana) and having this be the how Zack and Aeris's relationship worked. And then getting into the AU/fixing nuisance canon entrants, I was wondering about reworking AC as per the discussions to set Cloud's character correctly/altering geostigma to account for the changes... So in one way there's a trilogy of AU CC, canon-spliced VII, and then AU AC - before however the AU VII scenarion would work as a different branch (this might get confusing).
(also crazy FFVII/Welcome to Night Vale crossover of radio station in Nibelheim with the Turks in place of the Sheriff's Secret Police and Cecil (well it has to be) in love with Gast or something. Not sure it would work at all...)
Haha - yeah so much of the OGC ending was ambiguous... Thinking about it, I like the idea that the official art of Barret and Marlene in the church could be post-VII as its difficult to see it ocurring before then (admittedly that doesn't help terribly for Tifa on the water-tower or Aeris looking at the Highwind, but still).
It is kind of weird then that Deneh was't considered for Case of Nanaki; I vaguely remember the novellas were written in two stages and I suppose its possible the BC Nanaki storyline was already in place before the novella was even started - and yeah it does seem they wanted that question cleared up straight off, even if it does contradict VII like that (I've seen arguments from TLS on why this is't necessarily a retcon, but it does seem to descend into head-canon for what Nanaki, Bugenheagen and Hojo would/wouldn't say at various stages and feels a shakey justifictation for a blatant canon overwrite)
Ah; can't resist Aeris poking Tifa to come collect Cloud from the church; reminds me of a vague idea we had some time before about someone managing to bring up Miss Cloud so he goes and sulks in the church for a while until Aeris gets tired of that and prods Tifa to go fetch him. And I really like her totally not peeking if they have sexy make-up (Zack is busily preparing the Lifestream equivalent of pop-corn for this occurrence and they totally are watching... Actually there is a post-AC fanfic I remember where Cloud and Tifa are having sex for the first time in the church (actually that reminds me there is yet another one - just without the Lifestream peeking)... with Zack and Aeris secretly spying on them... Can't remember the name at the moment though...). But yes, checking out the chuch in AC comes out of nowhere and is so totally disconnected from the last things we saw/heard Tifa (answer the phone/leave a message for Cloud) or Marlene (worrying over Denzel) do that it is a really troublesome plot change. Aeris influencing them is much better! Very much concur Tifa's never portrayed as going there looking to find Cloud - especially with Marlene going along.
That feels like it works for Geostigma in this scenario; and I do like the idea of the angry mama-bear messge she leaves him. And it feels a nice way to alter the aspects of AC that are disconnecting while still letting the story feed into the actual AC events in a more effective way. Definitely liking the momentary relief from Tifa, the brief certainty he doesn't love her and then the angriness about leaving Marlene and Denzel like that and not explaining to her! Plus retaining the despair does mean Cloud could still feel the need to beg forgiveness from Aeris as well... And I really do like the actively focussed and thought-out reason for Tifa to go to the church like that and getting Barret to watch the kids... (it also made me realize that Barret could lose a fight to a rememnant at the Seventh Heaven and both Marlene and Denzel be taken that way; since the...er... black water didn't seem terribly permanent or to really do much to the kids he doesn't have to drink it. And yep! Then Tifa is camping at the church and waiting for Cloud to get back to have some words with him.
Definitely liking the ideas... Altering Barret's role feels a god plan; keep a lot of CoT the same, but rather then leaving he gets a job in Edge and lives with Cloud and Tifa in the Seventh Heaven. You do have a good point about Cloud and Tifa seeming only wanting to take care for the kids in the big dramatic ways rather then just being there for the kids and giving them a safe, comforting environment - especially with Tifa not calling Cloud out on his less then stellar behavior. Haha - yeah, never considered that irony for the title like that...
Re: actual comment response
Date: 2013-09-09 06:54 pm (UTC)The AU trilogy sounds interesting; I can definitely see the Zack of the "lure Aerith back to Shinra" being possible to match up to "sex friend" Zack. I...am a little iffy on "Sefure" as a title. Mostly because my association with Japanese titles for fanfiction from experience is that I can expect to be seeing Japanese words in the prose where English words would have done perfectly fine (there is one Cloti fic that stands out to me for this because I've read it twice--the second time it had been long enough for me to forget about the first reading--and it wasn't really great but it was alright and cute and then I got to this exchange of "Tadaima" "Okaerinasai" and it was like aaaaaaaaaaahhhh just say "I'm back" "welcome back"). Though, it does seem like the ideas so far have had a general theme? Matter-of-fact description of Cloud and Aerith's agreement as it first stands (Sefure, Friends with Benefits, The Agreement). ...So I'm not sure if I should be advocating exploring that theme more thoroughly or trying a different angle, lol. (On a different angle I would think something about the interplay of intimacy and truth/openness--how Aerith can see different Clouds, and her keeping things about Zack to herself--but I have no idea how to make that into something catchy. XD
And then for a second I was thinking "Modern Love" but I think that's just because I like a few lines from that song, it's not quite the same situation as Cloud and Aerith have between them otherwise. (But "This modern love is not enough / She said, watch your back, I'm nobody's girlfriend." always makes me think aww yes feisty Aerith. ...And then the "Come on take the phone calls, baby / I'll take all the silence" makes me think of Tifa and Advent Children and Cloud, stop being stupid 8( )
(also crazy FFVII/Welcome to Night Vale crossover of radio station in Nibelheim with the Turks in place of the Sheriff's Secret Police and Cecil (well it has to be) in love with Gast or something. Not sure it would work at all...)
Hahaha I keep wanting to crossover WtNV with stuff too (though in my case it would be Shadow Hearts--From the New World is set in America and deals with both supernatural elements and a certain level of ridiculousness, so it's tempting to see some of the cast driving through the town in an earlier decade...) Actually I kind of wanted to do WtNV for the "Backwards" prompt, but the problem is I've only got a gimmick, not an actual plot or story about why the gimmick's in place.
Then again the prompt just seems to make gimmicks very tempting.(I've seen arguments from TLS on why this is't necessarily a retcon, but it does seem to descend into head-canon for what Nanaki, Bugenheagen and Hojo would/wouldn't say at various stages and feels a shakey justifictation for a blatant canon overwrite)
Any argument is pretty much wasted in the face of Bugenhagen saying "It's a wide world and you must go out and see it... You may even find your life's mate. You never know." There is no way to argue that the line could have meant anything but the "life mate" Red XIII eventually does find and mate with was in an unknown location at that point, outside Cosmo Canyon. There's no reason for Bugenhagen to be misleading in a one-on-one conversation with Nanaki on his deathbed about where Deneh is. There's no reason for Nanaki to be misled when he knows exactly where Deneh is by Before Crisis' events. It's a retcon pure and simple.
...I. I don't think I would actually like a fic of Zack and Aerith spying on Cloud and Tifa having sex.
it also made me realize that Barret could lose a fight to a rememnant at the Seventh Heaven and both Marlene and Denzel be taken that way
Yeah! That'd definitely work. I think the only thing is I can see a director looking at this and thinking setting up the domestic conflict between Cloud and Tifa without making either of them actually look like a 'bad guy' (because goodness knows fans will take sides even on a fight that gets resolved in the movie itself and take it to extremes) would be too long for the action-packed movie they want. Pacing and all (though funny enough pacing turned into a slight issue in ACC anyway...).
Well, I think the only reason I can give for noticing the irony myself is being a bit of a cynic when it comes to compilation. XD
Re: actual comment response
Date: 2013-09-09 10:13 pm (UTC)Glad the AU trilogy idea sounds interesting! And that it does seem workable for the spy!Zack to match to the implied one in the sex fic. Fair point on "Sefure" as a title; it was just an idea - and yeah I can see that association making you iffy about it (curious what the Cloti fic was now - cute is at least appealing) as that kind of Japanese word use is so pointless in text like that (there are a few infamous fansub examples where a Japanese word has been left in the translation... (which a case can be made for some things like senpai for brevity) ... accompanied by a translation note of what the word meant. Which was more then a little silly). And ah; yeah the titles so far have all centred on the specifics of Cloud and Aeris's relationship like that... And I do like the idea of exploring the different angle; especially rhe intimacy/truth/honesty angle - but yeah reducing that down to a snappy title is not immediately obvious.
Ah; Modern Love has a nice ring to it - and I like it for the idea of the non-traditional relationship starting points and maybe things develop into something more familiar seeming, but not necessarily and things are fine with how they currently are... rambling. Haha - yeah those lyrics do feel like Cloud/Aerith and Cloud/Tifa there - dammit Cloud! Definitely keep that one for consideration... But yeah, something on the intersection of the situations and circumstances is appealing too... Anyway! It's going to be interesting to try and construct the trilogy... I was also thinking about integrating the alternate ideas for Case of Nanaki into the AC portion as well to correct that niggle as well...
Haha - I think maybe your Night Vale crossover is going to work easier then mine; Nibelheim requires a lot of conjecture and head-canoning to work. Heh - yeah the fan_flashworks prompts do seem to lend themselves well to gimmick ideas - though hope you do get to use the gimmick at some point (I've almost gotten up to date with the series...). On that note; mine is currently borrowing an idea from "Materia Shards" (the little note that Yuffie managed to sneak even the White Materia away when she robs the party).
Oh wow - I completely forgot about that line from Bugenhagen - and yeah that firmly marks BC's chapter down as retcon for the original game - and its not reconcilable at all. And for Bugenhagen to be misleading/not reveal Deneh's location at that juncture is just ridiculous. Nuisance retcon!
Ah; the Zack/Aeris voyeur fic wasn't a terribly good one anyway - I think it might have been the same author who wrote the Cloud/Tifa sex scene while Marlene and Denzel were sleeping either side of them, so there is an uncomfortable run of exhibitionism/risk getting caught theme in them.
Glad the Barret losing to the remnants works (I figure this is Yazoo looking for either Cloud or Materia at the Seventh Heaven while Loz heads to the church. ...um, was Loz looking for the materia or was that just a massive coincidence? Either way, I think Yazoo is going to take Marlene and Denzel for the specific connection back to Cloud and not bother with kidnapping anyone else, while Loz has basically stolen heavy-duty spells from the church and left Cloud yet another personal message). And like an earlier discussion, I'll move the Remnant's base to the mythril mines... I was also wondering about keeping canon-compliance further by leaving Rufus and Tseng dead, so in place of Rufus, Reeve is infected with Geostigma and the Turks work directly for him (so Cloud, Tifa and Barret have met him briefly a few times, but most discussion has been remote as he's hiding the infecton). Tseng remains dead, and all three Turks escape the North Crater with Reeve (Vincent is a little trickier to use unless he is just lurking around), and try to fight with the Remnants/I just really want Elena to show up more, and removing the whole torture implications lets that work/I like the idea of the three of them in the Reno/Rude scenes.
Basically it lets the time-frame for travel to get in the range of plausibility once again, and removes the nuisance non-deaths. And then fix just who and how Cid was contacted to round everyone up, and this time everyone gets to help with Bahamut. I was toying with the idea of Tifa going with Cloud to fight the remnants after the church, and them regaining Marlene but Denzel taken back to Edge... And I'm not certain yet on if Tifa can go with Cloud to Midgar in pursuit of Kadaj as well or not...
Heh - yeah, I can see the plot now taking a lot longer to go action-packed and altering the pacing... Still, at least its the advantage of text/less constraints of the time-frame. (and ack; yeah for fans taking sides in Cloud and Tifa roughness and taking it to extremes...)
Being cynical about the Compilation sounds perfectly fair to me!
Re: actual comment response
Date: 2013-09-10 06:01 pm (UTC)I think on further consideration I'm just sitting out this round of fan flashworks. I'm not sure how to get the idea I really liked at first and I feel like going with a backup idea is really just for the sake of continuing a chain, which is kind of tiresome. (This is how 750 words got for me too actually, after a while I felt like I was just BSing to get the word count.) Kind of backed up on "cute things", anyway. XD I'll just wait and see what the next prompt is. Though the fact that your fic is borrowing that part of "materia shards" has me curious...
Yeah, I know exhibitionism is a kink for some people--and actually I find that kind of hot, but not voyeurism. So they know the watcher is there = okay. They don't know the watcher is there = aaaack. ...The watcher stumbles on them by accident = hilarious, but the sex is probably going to stop until they get privacy sorted out again.
The materia was a massive coincidence for Loz to find, as far as we see.
....Poor Reeeeeve I'm just imagining a Cait Sith being by his side all the time because worried Cait is worried and trying to cheer his boss up from the despair disease. The reworkings do seem plausible though.
Re: actual comment response
Date: 2013-09-10 07:25 pm (UTC)Ah, I've done that with word counts a load of times as well (I don't do the 750 word thing specifically, but I do aim for that each day). And apologies for contributing to your cute things backlog!
Exhibitionism is one of those kinks I've never really thought about before, but I do get the difference between that and voyeurism (thinking about it, would Aeris be potentially into exhibitionism? Tifa feels like she'd be very private about sex). Definitely feels okay if those involved know they're being watched (making that Behind Closed Doors chapter iffy where Cloud knew Rude was watching but Tifa didn't). The other Cloud/Tifa one was icky for the kids being asleep right next to them... Heh - yeah interrupted when having sex is funny, but yeah not getting resumed easily.
Glad the changes seem workable; have to plot it all out at some point... Awww, yeah I can see Cait trying to keep Reeve's spirits up.
Re: actual comment response
Date: 2013-09-16 06:33 pm (UTC)Yeah, both the Cloud/Tifa examples there are icky, the first one for Tifa not knowing, the second because their audience is definitely not consenting to watch this. Which is kind of a restriction on enjoying exhibitionism for me too--if it's thrust into someone's face, that's no good either. Which is why for both Tifa and Aerith whether they'd like it is kind of a "well, it depends" thing; I'd assume the exhibitionism is in the semi-public sense where they know everyone involved (if even just as acquaintances) and know they're okay with seeing this, at which point I wouldn't have a problem with a fanfic author going either way on both of them; Tifa likes it, Aerith doesn't, Aerith does, Tifa doesn't, both do, neither... I don't really think either of them would want to expose themselves to strangers. (I suppose I do see Aerith being more willing to risk being found, and even finding that a bit exciting in itself, but the point is actually to evade the risked discovery, not be found. Also I just like the thought of her trying sex outdoors at least once, where that risk is naturally present.) Tifa does seem more inclined to privacy, but sometimes people are surprising in their kinks (sometimes their kinks are specifically about things they find embarrassing) so I wouldn't rule it out for her.
Re: actual comment response
Date: 2013-09-16 09:56 pm (UTC)(also; I have wound up writing a gift-fic for Danseru and have so far borrowed some of your head-canon for Gongaga (hope this is okay!) as set out later in 'Sleeping Arrangements' with Aeris winding up in the bed opposite Cloud when they reach the town. Also; this feels like the bleakest birthday present ever - she asked for Aeris visiting Gongaga after she left to head to the City of the Ancients and accepting Zack's death. It, er, came out somewhat melancholic...)
(also on that note, I'm enjoying re-reading the finished chapters of 'Sleeping Arrangements')
I can definitely seeing having the exhibitionism thrust in someone's face being no good either and that either girl's reactions depends on the situation. I can see the semi-public place where they knew everyone/are okay with people seeing them... Definitely can't see either being willing to expose themselves directly to strangers, but I would agree Aeris seems more like someone who would risk being found/finding that exciting - but yeah not actually want to be found. The evasion of being discovered/the thrill of almost being caught makes more sene. Ah! Good point on kinks, and that Tifa might be surprising in her own, so yeah, not ruled out for her either...
Re: actual comment response
Date: 2013-09-16 10:47 pm (UTC)I still need to write the next chapter--I've kind of been wanting to fill something in at Cosmo Canyon or Nibelheim (or Wutai, but I wanted to do one of the other two first) for a while. Might be smaller than the other chapters but it's nagging at me now that it otherwise heads straight into Gold Saucer and enchantment night... But yeah, you can borrow that bit.
Re: actual comment response
Date: 2013-09-16 11:01 pm (UTC)Thanks for letting me borrow the head-canon (it just has a real rightness to it with the setup of that room)! I remember the Wutai idea, but I don't remember what you had planned for Cosmo Canyon. And for Nibelheim, wasn't there a short ficlet from Aeris's perspective (her first kiss I think) you wrote a while back, or was that unassociated with 'Sleeping Arrangements'? More chapters is always appealing - and yeah otherwise that's right towards the end of disc 1 otherwise...
Re: actual comment response
Date: 2013-09-16 11:11 pm (UTC)Nibelheim...I have to admit you have me completely baffled by the mention of a first kiss for Aerith and Nibelheim. I...may have utterly wiped something from my memory (again. Ironically I was talking with a Cloud roleplayer earlier today and we were talking about what our Cloud and Aerith had done in a game--I'd completely forgotten Cloud and Aerith had kissed in that one. So perhaps I am forgetting another kiss???). Was this in our tumblr conversation messages...?
Re: actual comment response
Date: 2013-09-17 07:01 am (UTC)Ah - not sure if you have wiped something from your memory or I've gotten confused/mis-remembered; as far as I remember it was a text post on tumblr and I think set at Nibelheim where Cloud was unconcious for some reason (meaning it could have been set at Gongaga thinking about it, but this was a good while back - before 'Team Dynamics' if my memory is at all reliable) with Aeris looking after him and talking to him/herself. She kisses Cloud while he's asleep and goes to leave just as Tifa comes to check on him... So not strictly speaking a proper kiss, so maybe that's where I confused things...
Re: actual comment response
Date: 2013-09-17 12:45 pm (UTC)Re: actual comment response
Date: 2013-09-17 06:02 pm (UTC)